One of my regular papas pays the allowance afterward. Even when I tell him, “It’s stressful having to keep reminding myself not to forget about the allowance until it’s time to leave, so I’d like you to pay me upfront,” he stubbornly insists on paying afterward. He just mumbles when I ask why and won’t explain. My other papas either pay upfront without me asking or give me the money in advance as a lump sum, so I don’t understand what this papa who pays afterward is thinking.
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Personally, I find it a hassle having to think about not forgetting to collect the allowance until it’s time to leave. Also, when I’m paid afterward, it feels more like compensation for the intimate services I provided that time, which makes it feel transactional and puts me off. Do men want to make things feel transactional with their PJ partners?
What goes through the mind of a man who stubbornly insists on paying afterward?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Maybe you’re worried that once you give her the allowance, her attitude will become careless—or perhaps you simply don’t feel confident that you can share a good time regardless.
Men should also work on the things women find unpleasant. And if you’re going to receive the allowance, why not consider refraining from asking for it upfront?
—Akari
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He must be a delusional, stingy papa (a male supporter) waiting for you to say, “I had such a great time today, so you don’t need to give me an allowance♡”
An old man feeding pigeons in the park said that cheap old guys who come up with plausible excuses just to avoid paying the allowance should go to a dating site instead.
Not that it matters, but why did the screen stop scrolling? It’s unbelievably difficult to type a response. Is it just me...?
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> What do men who stubbornly insist on paying afterward think?
I once asked a man about this, and he said that women who ask to be paid before going into the room seem like sex workers, which he finds off-putting.
I think men who become like that have probably used delivery-based adult services too much. Since those women are working, perhaps he got used to a service where all he had to do was pay and the woman would take care of everything.
So he may believe that paying upfront will lead to poorer service. In other words, he might be someone who sees women as sex workers, yet doesn’t realize he’s treating them that way and wants to somehow get rid of that impression.
Then again, on dating apps, there seem to be women who demand money as soon as they enter the room. If you reluctantly pay upfront, thinking there’s no helping it, they may suddenly change their attitude and say they’re only going to talk in the hotel room.
Some even threaten to call the police if you touch them.
Men who have encountered women like that may no longer trust women and prefer to pay afterward.
They probably don’t understand that, from a woman’s perspective, not getting paid is the most worrying thing imaginable.
Still, if the man does pay properly, I think your choices are either to continue seeing him or end things if you’re uncomfortable.
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I’m Paper Airplane, and I pay afterward.
To avoid women who are used to papa-katsu like you, or who care mainly about the allowance, I don’t even discuss the allowance upfront. It’s a token of appreciation, so the amount isn’t fixed every time.
If we have a good relationship, even if I forget, you can just get it next time—and besides, I don’t forget to give it to you.
You don’t need to force yourself to meet someone just for the money. It sounds like neither of you would enjoy it…
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If there’s an awkwardness that makes you strongly aware that the relationship is connected by money, I feel it would be the same whether the allowance is paid upfront or afterward.
Conversely, if you’re very close with your papa (a male supporter) and have built a relationship of trust, it probably wouldn’t bother you when you receive the money.
But your papa insists on paying afterward. Honestly, I don’t really understand why, but there must be some reason behind it.
That said, even if you could understand his reasoning, I don’t think it would benefit you much. And even if he did pay upfront, it’s not as though you’d suddenly think, “That makes me like him so much!”
That’s just the kind of person he is. If you dislike it, end the relationship; if you can put up with it, your only option is to continue seeing him.
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Why not simply avoid continuing with that man?
I pay afterward, but I’ve never forgotten, and none of the women I’ve continued seeing have ever had to ask me for it.
For the record, I’ve never thought of it as the woman providing me with a service. If anything, I see myself as the one providing the service.
The transportation allowance for the first meeting may be a club rule, but I’ve never heard that paying the allowance upfront is a rule for arrangements made independently.
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