We’ve been seeing each other for about five years now, meeting roughly once a month on a pay-per-meeting arrangement of ¥50,000, but he was someone who wouldn’t give me anything for dinner only. Since then, I’ve turned down his dinner-only invitations.
He only offered ¥50,000 for trips as well, so I’ve declined those too, but he keeps asking anyway.
Even when I explain that I can’t meet often because of my part-time job, he never brings up increasing my allowance. How do those of you who are good at it negotiate better terms?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Member of another dating club
After being together for five years, negotiating to receive an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy) seems quite difficult. If it were me, I’d look for another papa (a male supporter).
With someone new, you may find a person who’s willing to accommodate what you’re looking for.
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If you’ve been seeing someone for five years, you shouldn’t still be thinking like a 19- or 20-year-old girl.
From my perspective, you come across as pretty naïve and immature.
Please grow into the kind of woman befitting someone who’s been in a five-year relationship.
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He’s the kind of person who believes, “I’ll pay for an adult relationship (intimate), but not for anything else.” So negotiating with him will probably only make him dislike you, and it’s difficult to change someone’s values.
For example, if you were suddenly told that a service you’d always used for free would start charging from tomorrow, you’d probably think, “That’s annoying.” It’s similar in that people who are used to getting something for free can’t easily change their mindset overnight.
Unfortunately, your only option is to make up the difference with another papa (male supporter).
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> “I want an allowance even if it’s dinner only!”
You probably wouldn’t want to meet—or give money to—a woman who feels that strongly.
It’s about expressing gratitude to each other.
Once you start expecting it as a given, whether it’s the allowance or intimacy, the other person will naturally feel less inclined to comply and may even grow resentful.
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Since you’ve been seeing him for five years, if you suddenly asked for an allowance, he’d probably be like, “What? All of a sudden?”(´･ ･`)
I don’t think you have much choice but to look for someone else…(´；ω；｀)
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For meals, I basically start at 10,000 yen, and once we’ve gotten closer, I pay 20,000–30,000 yen. Since we can only meet once a month, if I don’t have much time or she’s on her period that day, I give her the same allowance as I would for an adult relationship (intimate)—but only after we’ve gotten close.
I only travel if she’s the one who wants to go, so the allowance is the same as for an adult relationship. Occasionally, though, I’ll give her a little extra on a whim.
I’ve never been negotiated with, but I’d probably lose interest if she tried. With this kind of arrangement, it’s less about negotiating and more about either making the other person like you or finding a papa (a male supporter) who already thinks that way.
Your papa doesn’t seem to be that type to begin with, so your only option would be to make him like you. But even if he did come to like you, if he only has 50,000 yen a month to spend, it wouldn’t be worth it. I think you’d be better off looking for another papa.
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I don’t think people who don’t offer an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy) are going to offer one.
That’s how I see it too, so I’m upfront with women that I don’t pay an allowance for dinner only. If a woman says she wants an allowance even for dinner only, I simply don’t meet her under those terms.
On the other hand, I tend to become closer with women who don’t need an allowance for dinner only, so I naturally drift apart from women who do.
In your case, since you haven’t told him that you want an allowance even for dinner only, I think you’re not quite at that stage of the conversation yet. First, you need to tell him that you want an allowance for dinner-only dates and that you’d like a higher allowance when traveling. Otherwise, it won’t even become a negotiation about the terms.
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