I’m the person who posted here a couple of times recently and received everyone’s advice.
When I met a man before Golden Week, he said as we parted, “Let’s go out for a meal after Golden Week. Get in touch.” I wondered why I had to be the one to contact him, so I didn’t—and he never reached out either.
After asking for advice here, I decided to contact him myself. Around lunchtime today, I sent him a LINE message saying, “Now that Golden Week is over and work has settled down, would you like to grab a meal again sometime when you’re free?” He read it fairly quickly, but hasn’t replied.
You may think it’s only been two hours, but he’s normally extremely quick to respond and always replies almost immediately after reading a message.
Do you think it’s over already?
Perhaps you simply aren’t that high a priority for him. With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), there are often times when you have to be patient and wait. If you act distant, he may assume you’re not interested and move on.
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I’m Misato, a female member.
You worked up the courage to reach out, but still haven’t received a reply, so you’re feeling anxious, right…? As Maezawa-san mentioned, if this is someone you really want to see again, why not ask more directly: “I really enjoyed meeting you last time and would love to see you again. If you’re available, could you let me know a few dates that work for you?”
If you still don’t hear back, let’s assume it just wasn’t meant to be this time and look forward to meeting someone new.
By the way, after Golden Week, I received a reply saying, “Would you be able to meet on either the ○th or the ○th?” Since my papa is very busy, it’s important to stay calm and wait even if you don’t hear back for a few days. Also, in this kind of relationship, I think it’s sometimes necessary to be flexible and accommodating.
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Isn’t it only natural to tell someone who says they’re busy with work, “Contact me when things settle down”?
I didn’t understand why they wondered, “Why do I have to be the one to reach out first?”
Even if they were busy with work or away on a family trip, both of us could have at least sent a LINE message. Since neither of us did, I suppose we both figured the other person didn’t really want to meet that badly.
Ugh, what a waste of time.
Why couldn’t they say something like, “Work was really hectic today. After Golden Week, I’d love to go to △△ with you, ○○,” or “I can’t wait to see you”?
I really don’t get it. It’s a mystery.
Even though you asked a question, we’re clearly from completely different worlds, so I honestly have no idea what to say. This probably won’t be helpful to you either, but there you have it.
Marika
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Did he get back to you afterward?
When you’re mutually interested and hit it off, the next date is usually arranged pretty quickly. So in this case, I think it’s best to accept that it just wasn’t meant to be and move on.
I tend to reach out proactively to the papas I like, even if it’s just about something casual, and I feel that helps keep the relationship going. If you’re disappointed about how things turned out, you might want to take a little more initiative yourself.
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Hmm… I’m really not sure how to put this, but could it be that you’re a very anxious person?
“When should I message him on LINE?” “He’s left me on read for two hours.” “Should I be the one to message first?” “What if he never comes back?”
It feels like you’re constantly worrying about him(´；ω；｀) Even after he replies, you probably end up stuck in an endless loop wondering, “What did he mean by that?”
I think it would be better to focus on your work, go to a hot stone spa, and learn to enjoy your own free time(*_ _)
There’s no point spending all your time feeling unsettled.
He may not be ignoring you—he could simply be in a meeting or busy, you know? I think it would help to try seeing things a little from his perspective too(∩´﹏`∩)
I’m not criticizing you. Let’s enjoy our time together♪
Tsubaki-san’s “Que sera, sera”♡ I like it!
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Maybe he met another great girl while you weren’t contacting him.
He may not have been trying to fade out when he said, “I’m busy, so I’ll contact you,” but instead was considering the fact that you’re busy with work and telling you to reach out when you can.
But you didn’t contact him until today, right? If you had time to ask this question twice, perhaps you could have contacted him instead… Though there’s no point dwelling on what’s already happened.
Maybe he’s busy today and hasn’t had a chance to reply yet.
Maybe he’s checking his schedule.
Maybe he met someone else he likes.
There are all kinds of possibilities, but there are plenty of other men out there too—surely!
If he usually replies that quickly, why not wait three days? If he still hasn’t replied and you still want to see him, I think it would be fine to message him and say so.
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Since you’ve already reached out, I think it might be worth waiting a little longer for a reply.
By the way, why did you say, “Would you like to grab dinner?” instead of, “Would you like to meet?”
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I completely agree with Tsubaki.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), pride doesn’t earn you a single yen, so unless you create the illusion of romance for your papa, he’ll drop you.
As a papa (a male supporter), I was made to reflect when I saw another female respondent say she was worried about being dropped. It made me think I should occasionally reach out to my monthly arrangement partners myself. It’s understandable that they feel anxious...
That said, I counted them yesterday and realized I have 13 monthly arrangement partners...
They’ve increased in no time because I’ve been pursuing women who work at men’s esthetic salons and lounges... I’m the worst...
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You reached out to him yourself, then. I think that was a good move.
But he’s left you on read and still hasn’t replied…
I’m sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but please allow me to answer based partly on my own assumptions.
ーーーーー
Could it be that, for you, he was someone you really couldn’t afford to lose?
(A man you wanted to keep seeing, or someone who seemed likely to become a generous (well-paying) papa?)
That may be why you’re feeling so anxious.
If my guess is right, then this is the result of your own neglect, so even if things have “ended,” I’d say it’s only natural.
If that’s not the case, though, I don’t understand why you’re this attached—or worried—about it.
Take this as a learning experience. If he isn’t important to you and it wouldn’t matter if things ended, then fine. But people who matter should be treated accordingly.
ーーーーー
There’s no way to know until he replies, but maybe he’s simply busy now that Golden Week is over?
Anyway, let’s go with a que sera sera attitude. Things will work out somehow.
■Kamihikōki
Thanks for including an excerpt! I’d completely forgotten because there were so many questions (lol).
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> “Let me know when you have some free time.”
> “How about it?”
That LINE message sounds like she’s not really interested. From a woman, it’s practically a polite rejection...
Since the man clearly likes her enough to make an offer, you need to send things like:
“I want to see you soon.”
“I miss you.”
“I’d be happy if we could meet.”
You could even send something like, “I’m really feeling the anticipation of being kept waiting.”
Even now, you should tell him honestly how you feel...
Since he likes you, he’s worried about something important: whether you feel the same way about him.
> Tsubaki
I’ll include an excerpt from the original question:
> After meeting a man twice, he said as we parted after the second meeting, “Please contact me once things settle down at work.” We had met just before Golden Week, and we had discussed how he already had plans during Golden Week while I would be working the entire time.
I was puzzled because he said “Please contact me?” rather than “I’ll contact you.” So I simply replied, “Okay. You should contact me too, Mr. ○○,” and we went our separate ways. It’s been a week since then, but I haven’t heard from him. I haven’t contacted him either.
If he really likes me, I assume he’ll be the one to contact me first.
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