I recently met a single male member through this site. We’re quite far apart in age, but he’s an incredibly kind person. He thanked me several times for being so kind to someone so much younger than him.
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He also seemed to like me a lot, and we agreed to meet again soon. However, he has a dream he’s pursuing, and from everything he told me, I got the impression that he may not have that much financial leeway.
At the same time, I don’t think it would be realistic for me to become his girlfriend without any financial arrangement. If he becomes deeply invested in me and we start meeting frequently, I feel as though I’d be taking away money he needs to make his dream come true, which makes me feel guilty. I’ve even started wondering whether it would be better not to see him anymore.
Am I just meddling or worrying unnecessarily?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I’m Misei, a female member.
He may be a kind person, but making a young woman he hasn’t even started seeing worry about money isn’t very gentlemanly.
Since this is a dating club, I think you should accept it without feeling too bad or worrying about being overly considerate.
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I completely understand how conflicted you feel.
A lounge hostess who recently became one of my monthly arrangements has officially asked me to date her. We’ve had several discussions, and things are moving toward a relationship that’s almost like being boyfriend and girlfriend, on the condition that she’ll accept an allowance.
I honestly told her that I’d feel uneasy not giving her money—or rather, that it would cause me a great deal of stress to feel I couldn’t support her life. I also explained that giving her money somewhat eases my guilt about taking advantage of her youth. I told her from the beginning that I have several other monthly arrangements, including my favorite, as well as a long-term girlfriend.
Even knowing all that, she still said she liked me and wanted to be with me. I panicked then, and I’m still panicking now. Massage-parlor girls can be cute too, but a lounge hostess is on an entirely different level—so stunning that you can’t help but give in.
I used to be uncomfortable with genuine romantic feelings in these relationships, but I’ve realized that if a girl who’s irresistibly cute develops feelings for me, I’m completely defenseless.
I don’t think anyone really knows the right answer when it comes to relationships between men and women. It may be right for you not to accept the money, or it may be wrong.
However, if you’re struggling financially, I personally think you should accept it. It’s perfectly natural for a man to provide financial support to a woman, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with accepting it.
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Even if he doesn’t seem financially well-off, he probably has enough room in his budget to provide an allowance.
If he agreed to the allowance amount you requested, I think it’s fine to continue seeing him as you are.
If things start becoming difficult, he’ll likely bring up reducing the number of times you meet, so you should decide whether you’d be happy continuing the relationship with the allowance he can offer and whether you’d regret it.
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The moment you make a woman worry about something like that, you’re not a gentleman to begin with.
Regardless of the circumstances, I think it’s important to be grateful when someone treats you kindly or gives you an allowance—and to express that gratitude through your words and actions.
Marika
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In that situation, I don’t think you need to feel guilty.
The man chose to join the dating club of his own free will, and I assume the people who join generally have a certain amount of financial leeway. So, as you said, this is only speculation, and you don’t know whether it’s actually true.
Speaking for myself, I’m seeing my partner while balancing my work and personal desires. If I can’t work hard, earn more, give anything back to her, or achieve my own dreams and goals because of the relationship, then that’s the papa’s responsibility.
What concerns me more is whether you’re continuing to see this papa out of guilt, despite not truly being comfortable with the terms of the arrangement.
Since men in dating clubs are expected to be gentlemen, being kind should be a given. If someone says things that make you worry like this—or can’t adequately give something back to their partner—I wouldn’t consider them truly kind.
Kindness is certainly an important part of emotional fulfillment, and it should be a prerequisite. But a lack of money can’t be made up for with kindness. Anyone who thinks kindness and money can compensate for each other is mistaken.
If being kind meant you didn’t have to pay someone as much, I’d be kind too—it’s easier than earning more money. But that wouldn’t be genuine kindness, would it?
That said, if he’s just starting out and you genuinely want to support him in achieving his dream, even without considering the money, then I think it’s fine to continue seeing him normally.
Since you don’t feel that way, my conclusion remains the same: you don’t need to feel guilty.
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I’m with Paper Airplane!
I’m the same way—just knowing I’ll get to see the woman I’m dating gives me a boost. I think it’s fair to say she’s a source of motivation for me.
I don’t think you need to worry about the allowance. Men understand that a relationship like this can’t continue without one.
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If you genuinely feel that way, you’re simply interfering where you’re not needed.
Since the man is registered with the club, he’s probably making offers to other women as well.
In other words, if you step aside, he’ll simply move on to another woman.
On the other hand, if you’re unhappy with the low allowance or anything else, you should end things promptly.
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Men live because women exist. If he becomes completely captivated by you, you’re supporting his dreams and future—in a way, you’re the carrot dangling in front of him.
If you didn’t meet him, it would be like taking away the carrot right in front of him; he’d lose the will to keep running.
In other words, women are a life-support system for men…
That’s precisely why men can devote their heart, mind, and body to bringing women joy and happiness—and keep working to improve themselves.
I hope you can reach a place where you’re able to experience and savor a woman’s pleasure, rather than being merely a papa (a male supporter).
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