The other day, a woman from the club gave me a pretty harsh reprimand.
According to her, being made to enter the restaurant first puts pressure on her and stresses her out. She even said, “You’re the only man who does something so rude.”
I’ve always thought that, as a matter of ladies first, I should open the door and let the woman enter first, so that’s what I’ve always done.
At the same time, I feel it would be annoying to ask every single time who should go in first, and now I’m not sure what to do going forward.
Men, what do you usually do?
Women, what would you prefer?
I’d especially like to hear from women.
Does it make you feel pressured when you’re made to enter first?
Conversely, if the man enters first, do you think, “Doesn’t he know anything about ladies first?”
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
First-off-the-ladies’ way of doing things isn’t really that widespread in Japan, so if this particular woman wants you to act that way, I think it’s fine to do so when you’re meeting her. When you’re with other women, you can probably stick with whatever approach you’ve always felt was right.
That said, as she mentioned, there does seem to be a uniquely Japanese idea that the person who invited the other should enter the restaurant first. So I can understand why entering a place you’ve never been to before might feel a bit pressuring.
You could also avoid the issue by arranging to meet inside the restaurant.
It’s good that you’re willing to improve based on what a woman tells you, but if you overthink it, you may just end up more confused.
P.S. Since you’re taking lessons from Golgo 13, saying something like, “Don’t stand behind me…” could be pretty funny.
Though the woman might just think, “Is this guy all right?”
Come to think of it, there was also an incident where a stranger’s handbag made a sound very similar to a gunshot, so someone turned around and punched her. So standing behind you could actually be dangerous. (笑)
Also, please book a room on the top floor, near the emergency stairs.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You ended up making an offer to another strange woman again.
What was she being so coy about, expecting to be treated like a VIP…? I used to work as a CEO’s secretary, so I’m just used to entering before the man and holding the door open for him.
I don’t think you need to worry about that. Since she was clearly an odd woman, just casually report it to the staff.
Surely there won’t be a next time, right?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Since it was our first meeting and we were meeting at the restaurant, I went in ahead of time because I didn’t want to keep her waiting. I guess I’d get scolded too, haha.
I make a point of being a gentleman and practicing ladies first, but depending on how it was brought up, that would put me off. If it were me, I might end things.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Everyone’s given some great answers.
In our case, we’ve been seeing each other for quite a while, but whether it’s a restaurant or a hotel, she always rushes in first（笑）
I just toddle along behind her（笑）
That’s how things are now, but when we first met, I went to the entrance to meet her（笑）
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If it were me, I’d think, “Who does she think she is?” and wouldn’t see her again.
It’s basic etiquette not to make the other person uncomfortable, so I think the woman who gets angry in that situation is the one lacking manners.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
My papa doesn’t care about that kind of thing at all, and neither do I. Honestly, most women don’t worry about such little details, so as long as you can behave reasonably, I don’t think there’s anything to stress about.
Sometimes I joke with my papa, saying, “Be a little nicer to meee. Guys my age are considerate when we’re going down stairs or escalators!” But he says, “Don’t be fooled by that kind of superficial kindness. Look deeper. You know what I really mean, don’t you?”
In other words, what matters isn’t putting on a superficial display of chivalry, but whether he genuinely considers women as a whole. I see his point, though sometimes I’d still love to go on a date filled with old-fashioned chivalry, haha.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
It’s worth learning proper etiquette, and ingraining it into your habits can make you more attractive.
At restaurants where a staff member comes to greet you at the entrance, the woman should go first and the man follows. At ordinary restaurants where no one comes to meet you, the man should go first.
On stairs or escalators going down, the man goes first; going up, the woman goes first.
The exception is seating etiquette. Normally, the woman gets the seat of honor, but on a first date in a relatively narrow private room, the man should take the seat of honor and the woman should sit nearer the entrance.
For a first date through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the situation can feel frightening for the woman. If she’s seated in the back with the man by the entrance, she may feel trapped, so I have her sit nearer the entrance and casually explain why.
“Normally, you’d sit over there, but I thought it might feel a little cramped—or like you couldn’t get out—so I deliberately switched things around.”
I say something like that with a smile. It helps break the ice with a woman who’s feeling nervous and serves as the first step toward putting her at ease.
As for things like the direction of the air conditioning and the lighting, I actually visit the restaurant at the same time of day the day before the date and check everything in advance.
That said, on an actual first date through a dating club, you usually meet at the restaurant, so I arrive early and go out to the entrance to meet her.
I use my “scent” as a weapon, so while I’m meeting her and showing her to the table, I make a point of letting her subtly catch a pleasant, understated hint of my cologne. In most cases, the outcome is decided at that point.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Just do as they tell you when they point something out.
It might actually be a good relationship where you both feel comfortable mentioning even the little things. You could also take it as them being straightforward, which makes things easier to understand… If she’s young, she probably wants to say whatever’s on her mind, too…
But does anyone really care about something like that?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maybe she’d just had a bad day or something.
I’ve never really thought about things like that. If someone opens the door for me, I simply say, “Thank you,” and I have no problem walking alongside them either.
Either way, if I get to enjoy a good meal together, I don’t worry about little things like that.
Maybe she was trying to put on a super-dominant act… or maybe she’s just a harsh person… or perhaps something unpleasant happened to her. Hard to say.
If she’s someone you already feel you don’t want to deal with anymore, I think it’s fine to just fade out.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
My papa (a company president in his 60s) always lets me go first through any door—elevators, taxis, restaurants, hotels, you name it (lol).
I don’t really mind entering a restaurant first, but I can’t help thinking, “There probably isn’t anyone at his company who makes the president do this,” and feeling terribly恐縮. Even though I feel a bit awkward, it would be strange to refuse, so I just thank him and go along with it.
Come to think of it, my handsome papa in his 50s is a gentleman who practices ladies first, too. Since he’s around my age and not someone I feel I have to be overly careful around, I can simply say, “Thanks,” without any fuss.
Either way, I think being overly hung up on ladies first nowadays is a little odd. And when it comes to you and the woman you’re seeing, I feel it’s poor manners if it makes the other person feel obligated or uncomfortable.
Rather than focusing on formalities, I think it’s best to consider what would make the other person feel comfortable.
Marika
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’ve never thought about that before—interesting. For now, though, that woman scares me.
If it’s a place neither of them has been to before, having the man go first might make sense as a form of escorting.
“Ladies first” seems more appropriate when you’re both familiar with the route or when getting into an elevator.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
It depends on the person.
I suppose someone who likes intimidating, tough women or tsundere types could handle her, but as someone who prefers kind women, I couldn’t.
I’d rather date a woman who doesn’t get irritated that easily.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Hmm, I’ve never really thought about that… (∩´﹏`∩)
Isn’t it just a matter of that person’s manners?
Some women might even think about the origins of “ladies first”… (It originally served the purpose of using women as shields.)
I was raised with the very Japanese idea that I shouldn’t start eating until the head of the household has put down his chopsticks, and that women should be modest. So I tend to think that way—silently following behind a man, for example.
But that’s not what you mean, is it?
Maybe they just don’t know proper manners.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
