Since the whole reason for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is needing money, isn’t it unnecessary to worry about things like, “Should I cut down on how often we meet?”
I can understand stepping away from a friends-with-benefits arrangement that offers no financial benefit, but for the woman, the benefit is the money. She started papa-katsu for that reason, and if she gets a boyfriend and feels bad about it, wouldn’t she tell her papa (a male supporter) about her boyfriend and end things with him at the same time?
Does hesitating to meet because she feels bad for her boyfriend mean that, from the papa’s perspective, he actually doesn’t want her to have a boyfriend?
When I tell my papa that I’ve gotten a boyfriend, I do it with the same casual attitude as saying, “I made a new friend!” Of course, I can say that because I don’t see my papa as a man at all. It made me wonder whether papas don’t see things in such a transactional way.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I feel like that papa’s “Maybe we should meet less often since it wouldn’t be fair to your boyfriend?” probably means something more like, “So you have a boyfriend now? That’s not going to work. Give me more attention, or I might break things off,” or, “I’m mature enough not to be intimidated just because you have a boyfriend, so fall for me even more.” What do you think?
He’s probably a little sulky, but wants to appear mature and unfazed, so he deliberately says things like, “Should we cut back?” or “I don’t mind seeing you less, but what about you?”
It feels like a grown man playing mind games over love, and honestly, it would be a complete turnoff for me.
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Why not just match their pace?
Since it’s a transactional relationship, wouldn’t you hate having a papa (a male supporter) treat you like a Dutch wife, using you only to satisfy his sexual urges?
On the papa’s side, if you’re cold and unresponsive, it won’t be enjoyable for him either, and he probably won’t feel satisfied considering the allowance he’s paying.
If you want to continue, adapt to the other person. If you can’t, end it.
And if he says, “I feel bad because you have a boyfriend,” can’t you simply say, “I want to see you, and I want the money, so I’m fine with keeping things at this pace”?
Maybe the papa is trying to say, “I don’t care even if you have a boyfriend. I’m actually such a good guy that I can even worry about you.”
Is that really something worth getting so worked up and cutting him off over?
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If getting a boyfriend hasn’t affected how often you go on dates with your papa (a male supporter), then there probably wasn’t any need to mention it in the first place. By bringing it up, he may have taken it as you wanting him to be considerate of the situation.
And the papa who asked, “Should we meet less often?” clearly sees you as a proper compensated-dating partner, doesn’t he? He didn’t say he’d end things just because you got a boyfriend, nor did he unilaterally announce that he would reduce your meetings. As a mature response, he was simply saying, “If you’re telling me this because you want me to be considerate, I can reduce how often we meet.”
The woman yesterday who was intimate without protection without saying anything and then didn’t receive her allowance had a communication problem. You, on the other hand, are being unreasonable by blabbing unnecessary information and getting yourself worked up.
You should pay attention to who you’re talking to, adjust both the content and amount of information you share, and realize that even a single conversation can affect whether an arrangement continues smoothly.
Marika
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Boyfriend (someone I like as a boyfriend)
Friends-with-benefits partner (someone I like in that way)
Affair partner (someone I like in that way)
Marriage partner (someone I like as a spouse)
Papa (someone I like as a papa)
For many papa-katsu girls, these are all separate categories, right? Probably. If they all came from the same place emotionally, they likely wouldn’t do papa-katsu in the first place.
Men, on the other hand, are idiots, so I think they usually see them all as the same thing. I’m sure the questioner’s papa is just a perfectly ordinary man who falls into that category.
For me, they’re completely separate. I can only see papa-katsu girls as papa-katsu girls. No matter how beautiful a woman who comes to a dating club is, she could never become my girlfriend. So I’m totally fine with them having boyfriends, and I always tell girls who don’t have one, “You should get a boyfriend.” Holding back out of consideration for her boyfriend is just meddling, isn’t it? You could even say that if her boyfriend were more financially capable, she wouldn’t have to do papa-katsu in the first place.
I genuinely enjoy playing the role of an older guy who’s as convenient as possible for my monthly partners. In other words, I’m perfectly happy if they see me as nothing more than an ATM. It’s so much more relaxing than having someone come at me seriously...
That said, I do want to beat their boyfriends hands down in bed. That’s the one area where I can’t help comparing myself. I really am small-minded... ridiculously small-minded...
Come to think of it, lately I’ve started telling the girls who’ve entered monthly arrangements that I have other regular partners. It makes things incredibly easygoing. Though they’re a massage salon worker, a lounge hostess, and a hairdresser—not women I met through the club.
I made offers to three new girls through Universe over Golden Week, and I’m thinking of telling them that I have other monthly partners too. I’ll tell a little white lie and say, “I have two monthly partners,” even though there are actually around ten of them. 😅
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Men can be very different from one another.
Some may be happy to hear that you’ve gotten a boyfriend and want to know more, while others may honestly prefer not to hear about it.
It seems you may have misjudged whether this particular man was someone you could safely tell.
That said, if you can explain—without focusing too much on money—that having a boyfriend won’t affect your relationship with him, such as, “My boyfriend is my boyfriend, and you’re my papa,” you may still be able to keep seeing him as before.
Men understand that an allowance is part of the arrangement, but when they hear that you’ve gotten a boyfriend, some may wonder, “Does she mean she wants me to keep my distance a little?”
I think it would be best to communicate openly and work on maintaining your relationship, while also considering how he feels.
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That papa may be the type who dislikes the idea of you having a boyfriend and may simply be trying to gradually distance himself from you.
He may have already started looking for someone else and intend to say goodbye for good once he finds her.
I’m only speculating since I’m not him.
Everyone thinks differently, so rather than focusing on how you see things, I think it’s more important to consider how the other person perceives them if you want to continue seeing each other.
Although I say everyone is different, papa-katsu often seems to work better when you don’t share unnecessary information.
You may want to decide whether to find someone you can tell everything to or be selective about what you tell each person.
Your papa may be going out of his way to be considerate, but perhaps you should be considerate toward him as well.
I’m generally the type to be open about things too, but there’s one girl I tell that I’m not seeing anyone else because she doesn’t want me to see other girls.
Lately, though, I’ve started wondering whether being open is really the right thing to do, so I’m still trying to figure out what to do.
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Everyone has different reasons for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and different priorities when it comes to money, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask.
For example, someone might want to spend more time with her boyfriend and therefore want to reduce their meetings from four times a month to two. Some women may even prefer a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement where they only receive an allowance when they have sex.
It’s not because of a boyfriend, but I often get requests like, “I have plans, so could we skip next week?” or “I need money for ○○, so could we meet one extra time this month?”
The person you’re asking about may have said it in that same casual spirit.
Ultimately, only the other person knows what they really meant, so I think you should talk to them directly. If you simply reply, “Why?” or “What do you mean?” they’ll probably explain.
There’s no point in trying to guess the answer with a bunch of strangers here.
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Not everyone thinks the same way you do, so perhaps that man simply sees things differently.
Some people may dislike the idea of you having a boyfriend, while others may not care at all.
Or perhaps he’s the type who wants to feel like, “I’m considerate enough to even think about her boyfriend.” Only he knows for sure.
Why not just tell him, “I like you as a person, so regardless of whether you have a boyfriend, I’d still love to see you often!”?
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If I were the boyfriend, I’d absolutely hate the idea of my girlfriend doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I wouldn’t want her to do it. (Honestly, I might even find it easier to accept her hiding work in nightlife or the adult entertainment industry…)
I’d hesitate far more over it than I would over a friends-with-benefits arrangement or an affair.
In some ways, it’s almost like an unspoken rule among men.
So depending on the timing, it may be difficult to balance a boyfriend or marriage hunting with papa-katsu.
If you’ve been with your boyfriend for a long time or get married, and eventually reach a point where you want to see someone again or feel that sex isn’t quite enough, you may start again—or no longer feel any issue with meeting them.
Otherwise, the papa is in the position of stepping back—or leaving—so he has to disappear.
Even if your boyfriend found out, if it were a friends-with-benefits arrangement or an affair, he might be able to compete with the other man. But with papa-katsu, he would have no choice but to disappear.
If dissatisfaction or a sense of inadequacy starts to arise in the relationship with your boyfriend, the roles and necessity of each person may become more equal—or even switch. That’s when the papa’s value and role can emerge. But unless you can feel something there beyond the financial aspect, it’s difficult to see it that way.
Paper Airplane
Also, the more clearly the other man realizes that you don’t see him as a man, the more likely he is to lose his reason for meeting you.
P.S.
Men and women think so differently that it’s almost as if they were different species. In fact, their thoughts can be nearly 100% opposite. That’s precisely why relationships between men and women can work: because neither side fully understands the other…
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It’s fine to post multiple times, as long as you’re not some spam-posting idiot 😳
If you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think it’s smartest to handle things skillfully. I’m not good at playing games with someone who’s genuinely in love with me, so I’m probably not suited to papa-katsu, though…
By “handle things skillfully,” I mean not telling him you’ve gotten a boyfriend, or saying something like, “You’re the only person I enjoy being with.”
Or maybe, “I’m sorry. I only said I had a boyfriend because I wanted to get your attention. It wasn’t true♡” Since it’s still early, perhaps you could fix things that way?
A transactional relationship can feel like the adult-entertainment industry, while I think dating clubs are supposed to involve at least some romantic element. So I imagine that man is feeling conflicted 😢
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