I’m meeting my papa tomorrow, but because of his schedule, we’re only having dinner this time. It’ll be our first time doing that since we started having an adult relationship (intimate).
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We’ve only been on a single-digit number of dates, so we’re not that close yet, but do you think I’ll still get my usual allowance? Should I avoid confirming it beforehand?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You should probably assume you won’t receive the same allowance as you would for an adult relationship (intimate).
In rare cases, a kind man may offer the same amount even without intimacy, but those men are truly few and far between. If it’s a long-term arrangement, though, there is a possibility you could receive the same amount.
It’s probably best to go to dinner without setting your expectations too high, so you won’t be disappointed.
You can confirm the terms beforehand, but I feel like it may be difficult to phrase the question.
If you’re confident you can ask smoothly, then I think it’s fine to bring it up.
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The only answer is: don’t ask. If you come across as too focused on the money, it could affect your relationship going forward.
It may seem counterintuitive, but if you fixate too much on the allowance right in front of you, you could end up missing out on a generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter).
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I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask about it beforehand.
If you don’t receive your allowance, you can decide how you want to handle the relationship going forward.
In my case, when it ends up being dinner only because of my circumstances, I still give the adult-relationship allowance. As I mentioned in my answer to another question earlier, once the relationship deepens, whether or not there’s an adult relationship isn’t really relevant anymore.
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Unusually, I agree with Paper Airplane’s opinion on several points (lol).
Honestly, it’s probably better not to ask.
When I invited my papa (a male supporter) to go out for sushi, he said, “Sure, but you won’t get an allowance that day, okay? It’ll just be sushi—no adult relationship (intimacy).” I agreed, but then he unexpectedly had more time, so we ended up going to a hotel instead, and the sushi was put on hold.
On the way home, he didn’t give me any allowance. I didn’t say anything because I had agreed to receive none if it was just sushi, but I still felt uncomfortable about it.
In the end, I never saw him again after that.
Marika
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If it were far away, I’d probably want my travel expenses covered too〜(´；ω；｀)
I’m from the countryside, so…
I don’t know whether you’re in Tokyo or somewhere rural, but maybe you should just go thinking, “I’m looking forward to the meal♪” ♪♪
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Try going without asking first. If the outcome is satisfactory for you, you can continue seeing him for dinner only; if not, you can stop the dinner-only arrangement.
I don’t think bringing it up yourself would make the other person feel very comfortable.
Personally, I’d be grateful just to be taken out for dinner! Maybe I feel that way because I’m not focused mainly on the allowance. I can learn a lot just by listening to someone talk, and I’d be grateful to be treated to a meal on top of that.
For now, enjoy the dinner!
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“Since you started having an adult relationship…”
That would mean that if you were already meeting without intimacy, then the allowance would probably either stay at the pre-intimacy amount or be nothing at all. There are also cases where the woman says, “You don’t need to give me anything today.”
It also depends on whether the man is someone who thinks, “I don’t want intimacy every time.”
If he actually wants intimacy every time, you may receive the allowance for an adult relationship.
As for confirming beforehand, I don’t think you should if it’s the former case, but it should be fine if it’s the latter. That said, you probably can’t tell which one he is yet.
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Don’t assume you’ll receive your usual allowance.
That way, if you do get the usual amount, it’ll feel twice as rewarding—and if it’s lower than usual, you won’t be unnecessarily disappointed.
Personally, if I were meeting someone for dinner only, I’d let him know in advance how much allowance I expect. But it’s probably safer for the woman to avoid asking about it beforehand.
Try meeting for dinner once first. If the allowance is unacceptable—or there’s no allowance at all—you can simply decline future dinner-only meetings by giving some reasonable excuse.
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