I’ve had a papa who’s also my boyfriend for about a year. He was my only papa; at first he was my papa, but now he’s my boyfriend.
This content is machine-translated.
I understand that he’s exhausted because he runs a company and is incredibly busy, but lately our dates have been dinner followed by a hotel. And on top of that, he sleeps like a log the whole time afterward. (lol)
He sometimes takes me on trips. There are cafés and theme parks I’d like to visit, but he’s genuinely so busy that I can’t bring myself to ask.
When he was just my papa, I didn’t feel sad even if all we did was be intimate, but lately I’ve started expecting him to act like a normal boyfriend. Even though I understand how hard his work is, my selfishness comes out, and I end up crying because I feel immature and lonely. I think of him as my boyfriend, but am I basically just a friend with benefits to him? I asked him directly, and he said he considers me his girlfriend and that I’m important to him. What do you think?
This morning, my wife asked me something complicated. When I replied, “I dunno,” she dismissed me with, “You’re no fun.” That’s Paper Airplane.
I don’t know how much this applies to the person you’re seeing, but I think you should suggest plenty of places you’d like to go—cafés, theme parks, and so on.
> He sleeps like a log afterward.
If she were your girlfriend, she’d probably be that relaxed because she doesn’t feel the need to be considerate. Unlike in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), she lets her guard down so much that it’s like she only listens before you get intimate.
In return, you can tell her everything you want to say, too. Feel free to brush off her complaints as well.
> Is he basically a friends-with-benefits partner?
With a papa-katsu woman, both sides’ goals are clear, so having an adult relationship (intimate) every time would be too obvious, and it doesn’t happen every time.
But when you meet your girlfriend, even if you weren’t planning on it, you naturally want to be intimate every time—and you usually are. Because she’s your girlfriend, someone special. If you like and love her, you end up wanting to show her affection before you go home.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
No matter how busy a man is, he’ll make time for a woman he truly cares about. He’ll try to see her even if it’s only for a little while, and he’ll actually come to meet her. Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is taking you for granted and doesn’t really value you.
By the way, is he married? If so, you shouldn’t expect him to act like a boyfriend. You’d probably be less hurt if you kept things strictly as a papa-katsu relationship, with him as your papa (a male supporter).
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I think you should verify the three points Seattle mentioned.
I don’t know how old he is, but among men in their 20s to 40s, there are plenty who have lots of women in their lives—including friends with benefits—or who are actually married with children.
I don’t know where you met him, but if he was acting as a papa from the beginning, I think it’s fair to consider that there’s a reasonable chance one of those situations applies.
Even if all three points check out, I still don’t think someone would treat their main partner that way, no matter how busy they are. As Rin said, they can usually make time for them.
Also, if he’s completely inflexible about his schedule for a long period of time, that seems suspicious.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’ve dated business owners in a normal relationship before, and they really were busy.
There were times they had to cancel dates the day before or even on the day, but they would reschedule and make more of an effort to stay in touch because of it.
That said, their schedules could also be flexible, so I think it helps to know when they’re especially busy and when things calm down.
No matter how busy he was, he still made time for normal dates. Why not go to his place instead of a hotel? If you’re his girlfriend, isn’t it a little strange to go to a hotel every time?!
As his girlfriend, going to a hotel occasionally is fine, but you could also stay at his place, do some housework, and wait for him to come home…
If he’s tired, why not suggest a date at home? Then, when things settle down, you could go to a theme park or somewhere else together.
When he was busy, I learned to value my own time instead of worrying about it—and to manage my own happiness. I regret putting pressure on him by saying, “I want to see you.” Looking back, I feel sorry about that.
I hope you have a wonderful time together!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I do think he genuinely considers you his girlfriend and cares about you.
However, I suspect he also believes it’s perfectly fine to have multiple girlfriends. So the way you understand “girlfriend” and the way he understands it may be slightly different.
If you’re not currently receiving an allowance, I think you should receive one even if you are his girlfriend.
The reason is that he’s often too busy to see you, and you’re the one having to put up with that.
I don’t think a relationship where one person is made to endure that kind of unreasonable situation is a good one. So even if you’re his girlfriend, I think receiving an allowance should be the basic arrangement.
If, giving him the benefit of the doubt, you’ve reached a point where you no longer receive an allowance, then I think it would be fair for him to buy you things like a car or designer items worth around a million yen.
Since you’re his girlfriend, it’s reasonable to receive something like that for your birthday, White Day, or other anniversaries, isn’t it?
If you receive no allowance, no presents, and have to put up with not being able to see him, then I feel you’ll end up being nothing more than a “convenient woman.”
If you’re not going to receive an allowance, I think you should demand more from the relationship.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If your boyfriend is single, his schedule doesn’t seem suspicious, and he says he wants to marry you, then I’d believe that he’s genuinely just extremely busy with work.
If even one of those three things is missing, he’s probably just a cheating guy with lots of women, using “work” as an excuse to cheat.
You should definitely find someone else who’ll take you to theme parks.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If you’ve become the girlfriend of a business owner you likely wouldn’t normally have the chance to meet, I think you need to be understanding and compassionate toward him, and appreciate the demands of his work.
You should also be grateful that his hard work allows you to enjoy a luxurious lifestyle. Otherwise, he’ll have nowhere to relax and may end up running away.
When you feel lonely, try to be patient for a little while, then let yourself lean on him again. If you can be a source of comfort for him, you can lean on him again.
I think he wants to be by your side too.
Don’t cry.
—Akari
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
