For women, meeting over a meal for the first time is also a chance to decide whether the man seems dangerous.
So if he asks intrusive questions during the meal and it makes you uncomfortable, it’s perfectly normal to decline anything afterward.
Even during an intimate encounter at a hotel, if something makes you uncomfortable, tell him clearly.
Men may mistakenly think that a woman has agreed to everything just because she said yes to one thing.
In Japan, where people are expected to read between the lines, it may be difficult to state things plainly. But if you don’t say you’re uncomfortable, you’re the one who gets hurt.
Be clear about your boundaries: “This is okay, but I don’t like that.”
If a man still forces you after that, it’s a crime.
Teramoto from Universe Club’s Tokyo branch here.
I’m sorry you had to go through such a painful experience...
Not every man is like that. In fact, I believe people like that make up only a very small minority among the club’s members, though I can’t say the number is absolutely zero.
Using protection during intimacy is just common sense. Neither of you is married, nor have you promised each other a future. If someone tries to do something like that without your consent, resist as much as you can and get away from the situation.
I know that’s easier said than done, but in the end, you’re the only person who can protect yourself.
Within an hour before a dinner date, I thoroughly wash myself, brush and floss my teeth, use an interdental brush and mouthwash, chew Mentos and tuck the pieces around my back teeth, and apply just enough cologne not to be obnoxious. I won’t go within three meters of a woman otherwise.
After dinner, once we get to the room, I brush, use an interdental brush and floss, and rinse with mouthwash before showering first and washing myself thoroughly again. I also make sure to check between my toes and around my ears. Naturally, I wash my face too.
When the woman goes into the shower, I gently remind her to take her valuables with her. While she’s showering, I put condoms somewhere visible and water-based lubricant somewhere a little more discreet. As a finishing touch, I crunch up some Mentos with my back teeth and tuck the pieces between them, then dim the lights.
I get my nails done at a salon, so they’re short and shiny, but I don’t use my fingers unless she asks me to.
If the room date lasts more than two hours, I brush, floss, and use mouthwash again. I also take another shower partway through.
*I skip the interdental brush at that point.
The routine above is so basic it goes without saying, so I can’t believe the papa (a male supporter) the questioner is seeing.
And when I meet with a men’s esthetics worker, I make absolutely sure to shower beforehand and brush my teeth at some restroom right before meeting her.
That must have been really unpleasant.
Even if he wasn’t a complete stranger, that man’s behavior was absolutely unacceptable.
I’m sure you’d rather not even think about it, but if you’re able to write about it here, please give the club feedback as soon as possible.
You’re not even one percent at fault, and I’m sure the staff will protect you so that reporting him won’t cause you any trouble.
Leaving someone like that unchecked and allowing them to create a second or third victim would be a disadvantage for both the club and all its members.
—It’s me
