It’s tough when an adult relationship (intimate) is expected from the start.
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With a boyfriend, I could simply say, “I can’t today because I’m on my period,” but papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) seems to come with the expectation of an adult relationship (intimate), doesn’t it…
If it’s a papa (a male supporter) I usually only see for dinner, I can say, “I can’t today because it’s that time of the month” (and, in most cases, they tell me before we meet that that’s all they’re expecting). But how should I turn down someone I’m intimate with every time we meet?
There’s a man I’ve met four times: we only had dinner the first two times, and we had an adult relationship (intimate) the other two times. Our next date may fall during my period.
I assume he’s planning on an adult relationship (intimate) that day as well.
I’m unsure whether I should tell him, “I can’t because I’m on my period.” I’d be hurt if he rescheduled because of that.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
An adult relationship is by no means an automatic add-on.
If it’s acceptable for the allowance to differ depending on whether intimacy is involved, there are probably men who feel that intimacy doesn’t have to happen every time either.
Recently, a woman I see about once a month got her period on the day we were supposed to meet, so we just had dinner and I gave her an allowance of 2.
I figured she was probably counting on that allowance, so I gave her a little extra… But in the end, we met again on another day, were intimate, and I gave her 5 instead, haha.
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Ugh, this is such a hassle. Why wait around for them to make the first move?
Just say, “I’m on my period, but I’d still like to see you. I’m fine with an allowance of 1,” and go on a date. Then judge them like this: willing to give the adult relationship allowance? ◎ A smooth, enjoyable dinner date? ○ The date isn’t fun? ✕. Simple.
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With Fuu, I’d reschedule.
I’m considerate toward people I have a monthly arrangement with and make sure to reschedule within the same month so their allowance stays consistent.
Fuu’s monthly supporters want the allowance for an adult relationship rather than just dinner, so it’s a win-win for both sides.
I think rescheduling because of your period is understandable, but if having an adult relationship as a basic condition feels too demanding in the first place, wouldn’t it be better to choose Type A?
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When she’s on her period, we just go on a regular date.
In some cases, we’ve already grown fairly close, and since we spend the same amount of time together, I give her the same allowance as when we have an adult relationship (intimate). To be honest, part of it is me trying to look good, but I also don’t always have time to make up for it later, and I value continuing the relationship with her more, so that’s probably why I do it.
It really depends on how deep the relationship is and what the other person thinks, so I’d suggest deciding based on the kind of person you want to date.
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Even if they reschedule after this, I understand why you’d feel hurt.
At this point, I think it may be best to let it go.
That said, you could say:
“Our next meeting might overlap with my period. What would you like to do?”
If he says he’d like to reschedule, I think it would be best to go along with that.
However, if you meet more men, you may occasionally find someone who says, “Why don’t we just meet for a meal that day?”
Looking for someone like that could be a good option too.
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Actually, once you’ve become really close, even dates without an adult relationship (intimacy) can become more enjoyable.
So if you’re on your period, I think it’s best to ask to reschedule and build a comfortable relationship at your own pace.
People can be all over the place—some will suggest a date without an adult relationship, while others may say that if you can’t have sex, you should use your hands or mouth instead. That can really show you what kind of person they are.
It might be a good opportunity to decide whether they’re someone you should continue seeing.
Marika
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Going to a hotel every time with someone you don’t even like—it’s only natural that it gradually starts to feel like a chore.
If you can build a relationship where you can still enjoy spending time together without intimacy, that kind of worry will go away… but that also comes down to your compatibility with your papa (a male supporter), so for now, there’s not much you can do.
If it looks like your period will coincide with your plans, I think it should be fine as long as you let him know in advance. If he gets angry about it, just consider him a person to avoid and gradually distance yourself.
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It seems like most papas (male supporters) won’t give an allowance unless you have sex with them.
I just can’t accept that. That kind of arrangement is basically compensated sex work, not a relationship.
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“Sorry, I’m on my period today, so I can’t.”
In this case, being direct is best.
An adult relationship (intimate) being a prerequisite is something you’d expect from sex work, not a dating club.
If you can’t do an adult relationship (intimate), try coming up with and suggesting a date plan that would still excite him without it. If someone did that for me, I’d be happy—and I’d want to treat her even better.
As for a papa (a male supporter) who reschedules after that, I don’t think your stress will go away even if the relationship continues.
—It’s me
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In my case, I’m fine with dinner only (no intimacy) when she’s on her period. However, the allowance would be limited to roughly the transportation cost for the first meeting. Of course, I let her know this in advance and leave it up to her whether she wants to meet.
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