I’m a married man in my 50s, and I’ve been seeing a papa-katsu girl in her 20s for dinner only—no adult relationship (intimate) so far. I give her an allowance of ¥100,000 a month, with taxis paid separately.

If you’re thinking, “Am I just a meal companion to him??” then you should make an offer to someone who’s B2 or above. Men don’t like women who are only after their money, and women don’t like men who are only after their bodies. A B1 woman wants to move toward an adult relationship with a man who seems not to be interested solely in her body. So if, at the second meeting, you reveal that you do want an adult relationship but > don’t want to rush into anything physical, it may already be too late… For someone closer to the A or B1 type, a dinner-only papa is more respectable than a papa who’s only after an adult relationship… When it comes to allowances, some men feel they’re worthwhile for an adult relationship, while others don’t see value in them in that context. Some men want to give an allowance even for dinner only, and would like to date a woman—even have an adult relationship with her. Others see an allowance as worthwhile only when an adult relationship is involved. With the B1 type, the relationship continues because they genuinely enjoy spending time together over meals. Once they’ve built that kind of reassuring, trusting connection, they may also want an adult relationship. Since they aren’t being sought out solely for an adult relationship, that side of the relationship naturally deepens as well. That’s what B1-type men and women are like. So people who are thoroughly B1-type don’t feel there’s any need to bring up allowances when moving toward an adult relationship. Just because they’ve had an adult relationship once doesn’t mean they’ll cut things off immediately afterward. I think that’s because they’ve already developed emotional compatibility—including a good overall feeling for each other—before physical compatibility even comes into play. When sex is something that evokes the feeling of a pseudo-romantic relationship, I think emotional compatibility is just as essential as physical compatibility. That emotional connection is what allows the physical chemistry to shine. Mac-san, I was writing my answer this morning, but it disappeared…

If the questioner wants an adult relationship (intimate), I feel the only option is to tell him that in a message, including the terms of the arrangement, and see how he responds. Though, at this point, it does feel a bit late for that. He’ll probably leave you on read, but I think that would still be much better than continuing to go back and forth like this. Actually, instead of worrying about something like this, why not offer to meet another woman and start a new journey? In any case, a relationship with no future does more harm than good.

I think you’ve missed your chance. At this point, the best thing you can do is explain how you feel and get everything out in the open. If you’re not satisfied with the situation, I’d suggest moving on and making an offer to someone else.

You’re not a dinner friend—you’re a dinner-only papa. Since it’s been 10 months of meeting twice a month, she’s clearly decided that you’re a papa who isn’t looking for an adult relationship (intimate). That’s probably why she feels comfortable continuing to go on dates with you and messaging you every day. This is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so next time you meet, talk to her about moving toward an adult relationship. If you just wait for her to bring it up, it’ll never happen. If she rejects you, either immediately look for someone else, or, if you don’t want to end things, continue as her dinner-only papa. And if she says you need to build more of a relationship first, that’s obviously just stalling. After meeting for 10 months, you’d have to wonder, “How many more years is this going to take?” Personally, I’d say, “Thanks for everything—bye,” and move on immediately. Hope that helps.

For a man in his 50s, I imagine there were plenty of dating books published during the Showa era. Did you just never read them? In reality, I suspect there weren’t many that could be applied as-is. Still, there was advice along the lines of, “If you don’t go to a hotel by the third date, the relationship won’t progress that way,” and I sometimes think that advice was fairly accurate. Of course, that was about dating someone your own age, without money being involved. I feel it may be similar at a dating club. The major difference, however, is that there’s an allowance involved. So even if you’ve missed the right timing, I feel you might still succeed if you invite her to a hotel. That said, if you’re currently seeing her for dinner only, twice a month for ¥100,000, she may feel that she wants at least twice that amount—possibly even three or four times as much. When you think about it that way, it does seem a little intimidating. Still, you might be able to make it work by being straightforward and inviting her conditionally, something like: “How about going to a hotel after this? I was thinking of an allowance of the current ¥100,000 per month, plus ¥50,000 per meeting.” As Mac-san said, offering to a B1 woman may be about enjoying that kind of negotiation, so it might be worth coming up with various strategies. For example, you could bring a bouquet and invite her to a hotel, or rent a limousine to put her in the mood before asking. There are plenty of possibilities. Good luck.

Wouldn’t it be fun to keep indulging in that fantasy, imagining that one day she’ll push you down and have her way with you on top? The questioner is probably a submissive on BDSMTest, so I’d recommend Kamihikōki-san’s answer the most. Though they haven’t posted it yet. It’s entertaining, so let us know how things turn out in about six months. After reading Makeotoko-san’s follow-up, I realized something: why did the questioner make an offer to B1 in the first place? The whole appeal of B1 is enjoying the back-and-forth and figuring out how to win them over, so what’s the point of asking someone else? Is that really fun? Even if you’re inexperienced, the proper B1 approach is to experiment in your own way, learn from your failures, move on to the next one, and enjoy watching your skills improve. The questioner should enroll in Makeotoko’s school of hard knocks.

If you’re already doing day trips, why not suggest a date plan that includes a hotel as part of the trip?

I just message them on LINE: “I’d like to go to a hotel next time. The allowance would be ___—how does that sound?” B1 is great, isn’t it? I absolutely love it. A B1 is the best.

What a waste! It’s papa-katsu, and he even wanted to hold your hand—lucky you! You’ve got to go for it there. Ah, what a waste! LOL “How much is the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate)? Would you be up for getting a room after this?” Wouldn’t it be okay to say that? Since it’s papa-katsu, if the allowance is good, you might be able to go for it. I know how you feel. I’m not popular either, after all. Work up the courage, but don’t look visibly aroused. Ask casually and smoothly. I’ll be waiting to hear how it went. With that vibe, you can probably pull it off, LOL. Not that I know.