I’m going to my first first meeting for a date out of town. Is it correct to assume that the papa will cover my actual travel expenses (such as the bullet train fare) plus an allowance on the day?

I think a lot of men see it as actual transportation costs plus a support payment (allowance). That said, you should be clear about your own stance. 1. You want to properly negotiate the allowance. 2. You simply accept whatever allowance the man offers. If you’re the first type, don’t ask here—negotiate directly with the man. If you’re the second type, there’s no need to worry about submitting an exact transportation-cost claim. A decent man will probably calculate something like the Shinkansen fare and give you a little extra. Papa (male supporters) generally prefer women of the second type. You might end up with someone stingy, but if his terms don’t suit you, you can simply turn him down next time. Still, I feel you’re more likely to meet a generous (well-paying) papa (male supporter) if you’re the second type. Even if you’re the first type, try to negotiate only the first time. Women who keep negotiating repeatedly can come across as overly money-focused, which men tend to dislike.

Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), make sure you clearly communicate your terms. If you don’t say anything, people often assume their own defaults. Don’t assume things like, “This is normal, right?” or “We’re on the same page, right?” Everyone has different standards. The beginning is crucial: transportation costs, your allowance, what you’re comfortable doing, what you don’t want done to you, what you don’t want to do, and so on. Whether your papa-katsu experience will be enjoyable really depends on how you start. Be brave and make sure you communicate everything clearly. (It’s better to say things upfront than to bring them up later—it helps prevent problems and disagreements down the line.) There may not even be 5% of papas who can read the mood and avoid doing things you dislike. Even Fuu, who calls himself “a really good papa” with over seven years of experience, sometimes misunderstands things or misreads what someone is uncomfortable with, and ends up parting ways with them. (Like when someone absolutely hated going for a second round, or said his package was just too big to handle, lol. ↑Though I do try to choose women who seem as open-minded as possible, lol.) Just assume that if you don’t say it, he won’t know.

I’ve never been on a long-distance date myself, but from what I’ve heard, if transportation and accommodation have been booked in advance, you should let the man know the details so he can prepare the money. The actual transportation costs would be paid separately, and everything else would probably proceed as usual. At the dinner, you should receive at least ¥10,000 toward transportation, then discuss and decide together how to proceed with the relationship. The method of reimbursing the actual transportation costs may vary from person to person, so it’s best to confirm it beforehand.

If you mean the first date at Universe Club—the date arranged by the club—there are rules set by the club. First, when the date is long-distance: 1. The man is responsible for the actual transportation costs. 2. In addition, he is expected to pay the woman the usual ¥10,000 transportation allowance. 3. If the date ends too late for her to return that day—for example, if she is expected to miss the last Shinkansen—the man is also expected to cover the cost of a hotel where she can stay alone. (There is a rule that the man must not enter the room.) 4. In addition, it is customary for the allowance agreed upon between the man and woman to apply as usual. So, for a long-distance date, what the woman generally receives from the man is: Actual round-trip transportation costs + ¥10,000 transportation allowance (essentially a thank-you payment) + accommodation costs (the man usually arranges and pays for the hotel, so this often isn’t given in cash) + the agreed allowance. By the way, providing proper receipts for the actual expenses will generally leave a better impression on the man. You may want to take the Green Car, but doing so can give a bad impression, so I recommend taking a reserved seat in the regular car instead. Of course, if the man himself says you should take the Green Car without you asking, that’s different. The same applies when traveling by plane. > What is the appropriate way and timing for asking my papa to reimburse the actual transportation costs? The rule is that he should give it to you immediately after you meet. That said, some men don’t understand the rules, so while handing him the receipts, you can say, “The club told me I was supposed to receive this when we met…” You should receive it right away. As for the ¥10,000 transportation allowance, the rule is that it should be paid during the meal. If you haven’t received it by the end of the meal, you can say something like: “The club told me I was supposed to receive this before the meal ended, and they said I’d be reprimanded if I didn’t.” You may think, “They wouldn’t really reprimand me,” but when a woman later tells the staff, “The man didn’t give it to me,” the staff will wonder, “Why didn’t you ask him for it?” In reality, the man is at fault for not giving it to her, but they may also think, “Wouldn’t he have given it to her if she had asked?” So if you haven’t received it, please make sure to tell the man clearly. Also, many men don’t know about rule 3, so please be careful. Since the listing says “first meeting,” I assume the woman’s dating type is probably B1 or B2. However, some men intentionally invite B1 or B2 women from far away and then say things like, “Since you came all this way,” or “I’ve spent a lot on transportation,” trying to imply that because you’ve caused them this burden, you owe them something in return. Some of them may be hoping to go to a hotel that same day. But B1 and B2 mean dinner only on the first date, and the man invited you from far away knowing that. You don’t need to give in. It’s perfectly fine to respond clearly: “Today is dinner only. Please invite me again next time.”

If you’re traveling out of town for the date, Universe Club may be able to help by collecting the travel expenses—including the actual cost of the bullet train—from your papa in advance and giving them to you beforehand. Try talking to the staff and saying, “I’m worried about whether I’ll actually receive the money.” Normally, it would be something like this: 1. ¥10,000 for transportation 2. The actual round-trip bullet train fare 3. An allowance for an adult relationship (C and D types only) If he cancels at the last minute, you may end up having to cover costs 1 and 2 yourself. So if you tell the Universe Club staff that you’re worried when accepting the offer, they should be able to make special arrangements. Also, for a long-distance date, it wouldn’t be unusual for item 1 to be around ¥20,000–¥30,000.

Depending on the type of relationship you have, how you’re getting to the meeting place, and what time you’re meeting, the other person may have their own expectations, so I think it’s best to confirm beforehand. Even when someone says they’ll cover your actual transportation costs, there can be several ways to travel. For example, with the Shinkansen, there’s a difference between a reserved ordinary seat and a Green Car seat. Personally, whenever we arranged a meeting, I would say something like, “I’ll give you ¥XX separately from the club’s transportation allowance to cover a round-trip reserved Green Car ticket from Shin-Osaka to Shinagawa,” and then pay a rounded-up amount.