After a papa I had just met finished inside me without my consent, he ditched me at the hotel and ran.
At the time, I was just completely stunned.
I was crushed by the sense of disbelief and betrayal.
However, since we met through this kind of site and went to the hotel consensually, I couldn’t involve the police...
I was already taking the pill regularly, but I still took emergency contraception right away and got tested for STIs—once at the time and again two weeks later.
Do you have a gynecologist you regularly see? I’ve told mine about my papa-katsu activities, so I consulted my doctor.
My doctor helped remove the remaining semen that day, and we also discussed whether I should report it to the police.
It’s not necessarily too late. Even if my activities were exposed to my family—or I don’t know whether they would be—I think I could file a police report if I were prepared for that possibility.
Also, I’ve been through questioning once before, and it took two to three hours a day for two days.
If you search online, you’ll find websites run by female lawyers for victims of sexual assault, so I think it would be a good idea to consult one of them.
With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), there are inevitably risks like that. So when a woman hasn’t been drinking during her first-meeting arrangement, Fuu recommends taking a low-dose birth control pill.
Of course, Fuu would never force anything, but if you’re going to do papa-katsu, unfortunately there are papas like the one the questioner encountered.
It can also make heavy periods lighter, and I know an affordable, trustworthy clinic with almost no side effects, so I recommend it. You have to visit the clinic for the first appointment, but from the second time onward, you can order online, which is convenient.
I don’t claim to know all the details, but in my opinion, it would be difficult for the police to handle this particular case.
In practical terms, it is tantamount to rape, but the facts that there was consent to sex and that an allowance was exchanged would likely serve as the basis for that conclusion. Since this is not domestic violence, the police may be reluctant to intervene.
Vigilante justice is not permitted in Japan, so if you report it to the police and the paperwork is in order, they will accept the complaint.
This is based on an online news report, so the details of the ruling are unclear, but apparently there was a judgment ordering compensation on the grounds that the parties had consensual sex without contraception. Experts are calling it a groundbreaking ruling.
Wouldn’t pursuing a lawsuit be more realistic than reporting it to the police?
I’ll say this explicitly: depending on how you go about it, directly demanding compensation from the other person could instead result in the questioner being arrested—that’s my understanding. If you intend to seek damages, proceed very carefully.
I think it would be fine to consult the police. This would be non-consensual intercourse.
I once accompanied a woman who had been subjected to domestic violence by her boyfriend to her local police station. First, you explain the situation over the phone, and they’ll tell you something like, “Please come to Department X at [time].” (Probably the same day—the response is quick.) When you go in and explain what happened, I imagine they’ll ask, “Would you like to leave this as a consultation, or would you like to file a criminal complaint for non-consensual intercourse?”
The police will probably contact Universe to make inquiries.
It depends on how angry you are, but if it were me, I’d initially leave it at a consultation. Then I’d tell the man that I had already consulted the police, contact a lawyer (it’s not a complicated case, so you could just find someone online who seems trustworthy), have them hear you out, and pay the retainer. I’d then have the lawyer ask Universe to identify the man, and send him a letter saying, “We are considering filing a criminal complaint, but we are not refusing to discuss a settlement.”
That’s roughly how it would go. But if you’re truly furious, you could also go straight to the police and file a complaint. In that case, the other side will probably contact you desperately, asking you to agree to a settlement.
It would be best to discuss the settlement amount with your lawyer.
Even without semen being collected, screenshots should probably be enough, shouldn’t they? You really did well keeping those. Smart move. You did great.
One risk is that if he’s married, his wife could potentially countersue you for adultery. So if it were me, I probably wouldn’t try to destroy him socially. But you should do whatever you feel is right. It’s your life.
Also, if you haven’t been tested for STIs yet, you should do it as soon as possible. If anything comes back positive, it could potentially constitute bodily injury in addition to non-consensual intercourse.
If you send him a LINE message saying, “I went to the police for a consultation. I’m considering speaking with a lawyer about filing a complaint,” he may panic and offer some kind of settlement payment right away. If you can negotiate it yourself, that would be the least expensive option.
As a lesson for men, I suppose that when a woman sends a message like this, it’s better not to admit anything too readily and instead play dumb with a reply like, “I thought you consented, though?” Of course, it goes without saying that you must not finish inside someone without permission.
For a woman to counter this, she should presumably go to a gynecologist or the police immediately afterward and report, “He finished inside me without my permission.” Having that on record would make her complaint more credible.
From the man’s perspective, once he receives this kind of trap message and admits what he did, he’s already lost. That’s the penalty, so to speak. That’s my perspective, which is why I’m being so harsh. More than the issue of whether finishing inside her was right or wrong, his failure to think through the situation and assess the risks was immature for a grown man.
I had a similar feeling about the Nakai situation. More than his preferences or what kind of activity took place, I thought, “A man over 50 shouldn’t be trying to pick women up without paying. Use Universe—use Universe.” If it had happened through a paid arrangement, it might have been okay.
I even think President Kida should write in the staff column now: “Universe is exactly what men like Nakai need. After discussing and matching your preferences, let’s make it quick and easy with money, so celebrities can enjoy a fulfilling sex life too. Once you’re over 50, even the most handsome man should use Universe!” But everyone seems to have stopped being so bold lately. Maybe the times are changing?
One thing to be careful about if you negotiate on your own instead of using a lawyer: you must not demand money yourself. That could be considered extortion. And especially if you think you’ll be too timid to do it yourself, don’t get a male friend to act on your behalf out of a sense of loyalty. You need to handle it yourself and get the other person to say something like, “How much would I have to pay for you to accept this?” or “Please let me off with ¥X.”
The woman I mentioned earlier who had been abused by her boyfriend managed to obtain compensation herself—quite a substantial amount—while I was looking for a lawyer and preparing. That was because he held a respectable social position, so it probably doesn’t normally happen that way. People with something to protect are vulnerable to pressure. I’m single and have nothing to protect, so I’m strong just as I am. Even if someone identified which company I was president of, the most they’d say would be, “Well, the president is certainly lively,” and I doubt it would affect my business.
Ideally, you should have gone to the appropriate authorities that day or the following day.
They could have sent you to a hospital and collected any bodily fluids still remaining inside you, which might have served as evidence.
I think you should consult the police about whether you can file a criminal complaint. You may be asking because you want to know before going to the police, but in that case, I suggest consulting a lawyer.
For future reference, there is also a “One-Stop Support Center for Victims of Sex Crimes and Sexual Violence”:
https://www.gender.go.jp/policy/no_violence/seibouryoku/consult.html
I think you should contact them.
