A male member I recently had a first meeting with told me that, perhaps because of his age, he sometimes can’t get fully hard even when aroused. He said the allowance for a hotel date would be 5 if penetration was possible and 3 if it wasn’t. Is it common in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the allowance to vary depending on what happens?

That’s not typical. If he couldn’t penetrate, you might even consider adding another +3. If you’re only cuddling or sleeping together at a hotel without doing anything sexual, the amount might change—assuming you discussed it beforehand. But if he wanted to have sex and couldn’t, it could turn into a long, drawn-out ordeal for both of you… Reducing the amount would be out of the question. That said, as he gets older, I can understand his feelings to some extent. I hope he gets aroused enough for things to work out smoothly.

It’s not common, but apparently there are cases on apps where, despite never having discussed it beforehand, the man says he can only pay half because he didn’t ejaculate. People sometimes write about it as though they encountered a terrible man. In any case, since this isn’t standard practice, if you’re expecting 5, you should be firm and say something like: “If it’s not 5 either way, this isn’t going to work. I’m leaving.” Since he asked about it in the first place, I assume you won’t be satisfied unless it’s 5. Come to think of it, I’ve seen papa-katsu women on apps or X asking their papa (a male supporter) to buy them Viagra or other erectile-dysfunction medication. Wouldn’t selling it directly violate pharmaceutical regulations? Or is the idea that they meet in person and have him buy it on the spot so they won’t get caught? I’m not sure. Alternatively, maybe “please buy it” is simply an affiliate arrangement—“buy it through this link.” If he buys it on the spot, though, you won’t get dragged into the trouble of him asking for a lower allowance because he can’t perform, so perhaps it really would solve two problems at once. That said, even if it’s officially approved for sale domestically, the fact that it isn’t available over the counter means there may be risks involved. So please don’t read this and get the idea that you should start selling it yourself.

Are you new to papa-katsu? If there were a papa like that, I’d be completely shocked~ That’s definitely not normal. He’s way too stingy!

If you’re going to a hotel, isn’t it 50,000 yen by default? Why should it change depending on the man’s physical condition? It’s not our fault, is it? Seriously, what the hell?! If talking it out doesn’t work, I might just apologize and walk away.

If you already have other offers, he sounds like a troublesome papa, so why not just turn him down? If you’re going to decline anyway, you could try saying that regardless of what happens, you’d want 50,000 yen for the meeting. If he doesn’t agree, it’s probably best to part ways.

I’ve occasionally heard of the allowance varying depending on what happens—for example, getting extra for not using protection—but in a case like yours, I’d think he should’ve paid the 50,000 yen as soon as you went to the hotel.