How can I turn down a trip without upsetting my papa?
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Hello.
A generous papa who has been very supportive of me has invited me on a trip, but overnight dates are emotionally draining for me, so I’d like to decline without causing any hard feelings.
My papa is in his 80s. He’s financially well-off and not a bad person, but he can be somewhat lacking in sensitivity, so spending a long time together is stressful. (He gets furious when I point out that he forgot to give me my allowance, wants to be together from morning until night, talks about our adult relationship (intimate) at family restaurants, doesn’t brush his teeth, makes fun of my educational background, suddenly asks to come over to my home, and so on.) (Sorry, this turned into a complete rant.)
He supports me with 500,000 yen a month, which I’m genuinely grateful for. However, for the reasons above, this isn’t a relationship where I can relax and enjoy a trip. I always try to make sure he enjoys our dates as much as possible, but if we went on a trip, I feel like I’d end up exhausted and unable to hide that I was only doing it reluctantly.
Is there any smooth way to turn him down?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
【Sample responses】lol
“I already have plans that day.”
A work appointment you can’t miss.
If you’re a student, maybe say you have a test or something?
To avoid getting caught as much as possible, suggest another day—and have a response ready for when he does. lol
If you live with your family:
“My family is strict, and my mom still says I’m not allowed to stay out overnight.”
“My dad (or grandpa) is sick and in the hospital.”
“I help take care of my grandma at night.”
Just make sure you don’t forget what you told him.
【An easier response】
※You might end the relationship, but:
“I don’t want to stay overnight.”
“If the allowance is ¥〇〇, then I might consider it.”
↑Name an amount you feel you could accept.
If you timidly respond because you probably don’t want to end things, you’ll likely end up going along with it. If you haven’t built a relationship where you can say no when you don’t want to, I think you’ll just be the one who suffers going forward.
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Isn’t being with a papa like that so painful that even 500,000 yen wouldn’t be enough!? I’m worried about the questioner’s mental health.
If you want to turn down the trip, you could pretend you’ve changed jobs and act like you’re so overwhelmed with work that you barely have any time to rest… When you say it’s work, most men can’t really press you for details.
That’s what I think when I look at the women my papa has been involved with in the past, too. I often find myself thinking, “Wow, she’s really found a smooth way to turn him down.”
Another option is to say that you’re emotionally unstable and can’t sleep with anyone. Basically, it would help if you could emphasize a reason that’s beyond your control, but that’s quite an advanced technique, so I don’t think you should force yourself to try it.
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Questions like this come up from time to time, but it’s about time you realized there’s no convenient magic phrase that works for everyone.
This is a casual Q&A site, so maybe it’s not fair to be overly rigid or critical. Still, I don’t like the attitude of expecting free advice about securing a monthly allowance of ¥500,000—or ¥6 million a year.
Try using your head a little more, not just your crotch (your “head,” not your diaper).
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No matter how tactfully you turn him down, the fact remains that you’ve said no.
So rather than focusing on how to refuse, I think your options are either to accept that turning him down may count against you (meaning the relationship might not continue in the future), or to go on the trip so it doesn’t become a negative point.
From a man’s perspective, it’s only natural that he’d rather see someone who is happy to meet him than someone who is forcing herself to. So instead of staying involved with someone you dislike just for the money, I think you’d be better off considering the situation as a whole (everyone has both good and bad sides, after all) and choosing to see someone you genuinely want to be involved with.
This time, it seems you may have to turn him down while accepting that the relationship could end in the future. However, you might be able to make up for that negative point through your usual dates.
You could give some kind of explanation, such as:
“I’m not good with traveling, and I don’t travel at all in my private life these days. I actually became ill on a trip once, so I seem to have trouble when I’m in an unfamiliar environment.”
Then perhaps you can make up for it by being especially pleasant when you meet as usual.
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