I like her, so I rented an apartment in my name for her to live in. But I’ve never been inside because she doesn’t want me to come over. Is that normal?

If the person asking the question is covering the rent, you should have told her when she moved in that you’d be entering the property. If she’s paying the rent separately, then I think it’s up to her whether she lets you in or not.

I’m with you—even with my old-fashioned sensibilities, I can’t understand why she’d refuse to come when the place is in the man’s name, unless it’s just a one-room apartment or something. It depends on the allowance, but I wish they’d take a lesson from the mistresses of the past. Compared with a few years ago, things seem much more female-centered now, so I guess this is just how it is.

Of course they’d hate that… If your sponsor is coming over, you’d have to clean your room, right? If he sees it, your true colors will be revealed. And then you couldn’t even accidentally invite your boyfriend over! You’d probably stop going to hotels eventually, too. I think it bothers them even more because they can see that’s how you really feel.

Is it really okay to just go over there? The fact that you won’t say things clearly makes me feel like she’s taking advantage of you. You really want to go all the way with her in her apartment, don’t you?

There are as many definitions of “normal” as there are couples. Personally, whether in Japan or abroad, anyone I’ve given money to under the pretext of rent has always told me to stay over at their place. As an aside, quite a few women have invited me over or asked me to stay, even when I wasn’t paying them rent.

First of all, I honestly don’t understand what you mean by “I like her, so I rented an apartment in my name for her to live in.” Is this some kind of fantasy where you let someone you like live in an apartment you rented under your own name? What kind of fetish is that?? If you like her, there are plenty of other things you could do. If she was the one who asked for that, wouldn’t your first reaction normally be, “Why?” If you rented it for her assuming you’d naturally be able to visit her there, and now you’re saying, “This isn’t what I expected,” then isn’t this simply a case where you should complain? It’s not about what other people do—it’s about how you feel about it. I think it’s perfectly fine to argue about it. Most lovers’ quarrels seem ridiculously trivial to outsiders anyway. For what it’s worth, I’ve rented an apartment for someone before too, and I used to stay there normally. Actually, it was overseas, so she handled the lease and I just paid the rent, but I stayed at her place while I was there. It was interesting in all sorts of ways: the place locals rented was somewhere Japanese people would never normally go, a female housekeeper once let herself in with a spare key while the two of us were sleeping naked, and a package arrived while she was away—none of us could communicate because everything was in the local language（笑）. That said, things might be different domestically, so my experience probably isn’t directly relevant. I’ll leave what’s “normal” in Japan to the other respondents with more experience. Taro