I’ve already left the club, but I’m still in a relationship with someone I met while I was a member.

> If you’re exchanging money after meeting through a dating club, that’s papa-katsu. Exactly. If it feels like a monetary exchange, then it’s papa-katsu. If it doesn’t feel that way, then maybe it’s simply a relationship that began through the club… > I told him I wanted to end things because we might get caught, but he said, “Our relationship isn’t papa-katsu.” That papa (a male supporter) sounds a little unusual. Where you met is beside the point, but… saying that when he hasn’t even introduced you to his family or friends doesn’t seem very sensible. It’s almost to the point where you could just leave him on read.

If you haven’t shared any personal information, I think it’s best not to make another date, block him on LINE, and stop seeing him. In the end, telling him, “Please accept that we’re over,” would only be painful for him too. The sooner you block him and he finds another woman, the happier he’ll probably be.

First, as to whether this “counts as papa-katsu,” since you met through a dating club and financial support was involved, I believe that, regardless of the form it took, the relationship existed within the context of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Even if there was no adult relationship (intimate), if encouragement, advice, or accompanying you while shopping were tied to financial support, that is more than enough to call it a papa-katsu relationship. So your understanding is by no means strange. In fact, I find it very calm and sincere. At the same time, when your papa (a male supporter) says, “This isn’t papa-katsu” or “It’ll be fine if you explain it,” I don’t think he necessarily means to belittle you. Rather, he may strongly want to redefine the relationship in a way that is convenient for him. The fact that he even suggested forgetting that you met through a dating club points in that direction. But what matters most here isn’t how he defines the relationship—it’s how you feel. You recognize that this began as papa-katsu, you’re worried about people around you finding out, and you’re clearly ready to move on. At that point, whether “explaining it will be enough” isn’t the real issue. As for wondering whether he doesn’t want to let you go because he sees you as an investment, I think it’s natural to feel that way. But you don’t need to prove it or convince him of it. All that matters is how you want to move forward with your life. Realistically, I think the only thing you can do in this situation is talk it through. However, this shouldn’t be a discussion about who is right; it should be about communicating your feelings and your decision. For example: “Maybe you see it differently, but to me, this is a relationship that began when we met through a dating club and involved an exchange of money, and I feel uneasy about continuing it. So I want to end things.” I think it’s important to focus on your own feelings rather than arguing over definitions. If he still refuses to accept it, unfortunately, you shouldn’t make getting his agreement your goal. His complete understanding isn’t necessary for you to end the relationship. You’ve already faced this sincerely and thoughtfully. It’s okay to trust your own feelings.

Even if it’s dinner only, seeing an older man is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If you want to see him, it isn’t illegal, so you can keep it up even if you’re married. If you don’t want to see him or the money isn’t enough, just turn him down.

As you may know, older men tend to live in a fantasy world. That’s why they say incomprehensible things when they try to keep the relationship going. (I’m not making fun of your papa—I do understand how he feels.) In my opinion, there’s basically only one way to deal with this: Run for your life. Start by cutting off all contact, and never get involved with him again. He may try to contact you through every possible means. If that happens, it’s actually your chance to consult the police. In short, what you need is the resolve to make a decision—and the willingness to accept that you may end up looking like the bad guy. That will be for your papa’s sake, too. Good luck.

Convincing an older guy who can only think about what’s convenient for him is probably difficult. It takes a lot of energy. With someone like that, it’s best to walk away.

First of all, I believe papa-katsu refers to the act of looking for a papa (a male supporter). Job hunting is the process of finding employment, marriage hunting is the process of finding a spouse, and trying to conceive is the process of becoming pregnant. In each case, it means taking action to achieve something. So by my definition, being in a relationship where you receive an allowance does not necessarily mean you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). That man also says that your relationship isn’t papa-katsu. You consider it papa-katsu, but he doesn’t. In this way, the meaning of the term “papa-katsu” has become different for everyone. When communicating, what matters isn’t what other people think, but first making sure that the people involved share the same definitions and understanding of the terms they use. What good does it do for unrelated respondents to decide whether he’s right or wrong? For example, if I said he was wrong, do you think that would convince him? Would he be convinced if five respondents said he was wrong? No outsider can know whether that man sees what he’s doing as some kind of advance investment. If even you don’t know, there’s no way someone who knows him even less could understand his feelings. And if he really did intend it as a kind of advance investment, what would you do? Would you pay him back with enough extra to provide a return on his investment and ensure that he didn’t lose money—that is, enough to give him a profit? No one, including you, knows what he would find convincing. Rather than hiding behind a Q&A site and playing around, I think facing that man directly is the quickest way to resolve the issue.