I’ve had a papa (a male supporter) for almost a year now.
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About six months ago, I realized that I had started developing genuine romantic feelings for him. He is, of course, married. I don’t know how much of what he says is true, but he claims that his family has fallen apart and that he and his wife have barely even seen each other, let alone had any physical contact, for quite some time.
My question is how I should deal with these feelings, which are growing stronger and deeper by the day, and how I should interact with him—or communicate my feelings to him.
He’s actually a rather bad type of man. He tells me things like, “I like you,” “I love you,” “You’re the most important to me emotionally,” and “I want to live with you.” Of course, I assume he says these things to keep things exciting and doesn’t really mean them.
At first, I was the one who said, “I don’t want a relationship that’s too detached or businesslike. I want us to spend time together like a couple.” But our physical chemistry was exceptionally good, and little by little, genuine feelings developed on my side. I had always thought I was emotionally detached at heart, so this was completely unexpected.
Once my feelings became serious, I sometimes told him when I was having a hard time. He would say things like, “I don’t see you as just someone I’m playing around with, so tell me everything when you’re struggling. It’s better to let it all out.”
However, given the nature of this relationship, I don’t know how much I can rely on those words—or whether I should rely on them at all. I’m also worried that if I say anything more that troubles him, he’ll find me too much of a hassle and stop seeing me.
I’ve also considered leaving his life before things become even more painful, especially when I think about the future. But I don’t know what he really wants, and even if I ask him, he’ll probably just respond with more pleasant-sounding words like the ones above. The more I think about it, the less I know what to do.
I would really appreciate any advice.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Member of another dating club
I can’t really offer any specific advice.
What I—and the questioner—have learned from this is that when a man and woman who were never supposed to meet end up rubbing their cocks and pussies together, unexpected things can happen. That law hasn’t changed since the age of the Kojiki.
As an irresponsible bystander overflowing with curiosity, I’m tempted to whistle and tease, “That’s the sentimental drama of a woman’s life.”
You still seem quite young, so struggling with your feelings, suffering, and thinking things through over and over may not be such a bad experience. I’ve never done that myself, unfortunately. Actually, I can’t even whistle properly. Sigh.
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If he truly intended to get divorced, he would be taking action. If he isn’t, then no matter what he says or how much he claims to love you, there’s no future for the two of you.
You can either enjoy things as they are, end the relationship if it’s too painful, or date other people at the same time to take your mind off him.
Marika
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> He’s married, of course. I don’t know whether it’s true, but he says his family has fallen apart and that he and his wife have had almost no contact—not to mention any physical intimacy—for quite some time.
If that’s true, he ended up in that situation with someone he once considered the love of his life. Even if he and you became mutually devoted, there’s a good chance things could eventually turn out the same way.
On the other hand, if you were leading him to give that kind of answer, the truth could be the exact opposite. Would that necessarily be unfortunate? On the contrary, that might actually make it more likely that he could make you happy.
Either way, I think there are many things about the truth that you simply can’t know.
As long as he continues giving you an allowance, you could interpret that as him still caring about his wife, since he can tell himself it’s merely a relationship based on money.
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I’m looking for something casual, so in a situation like this, if he seriously told me how he feels, I’d probably find it too much trouble and stop seeing him.
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I’ve never been in, or had something like this happen to me, so I’m not sure what to say. But first, I think you should be honest and tell your papa (a male supporter) what you can. Then, keep a certain amount of distance.
Even with a dating club arrangement between a man and a woman, these things can be difficult, can’t they? That’s probably why it’s considered an adult relationship (intimate).
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“Pseudo-romance” is a term men came up with—it doesn’t really apply to women.
Once the spark has caught, there’s not much you can do. I don’t know whether the other person will go down in flames with you, but, as Kazu would say, maybe you should just do what feels right to you.
If they end up walking away, then that’s how it is. Even so, I think it would be perfectly appropriate to put your hands together and say, “Thank you for giving me such a wonderful love.”
Just be careful not to get sued by the other person’s wife.
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