You’re free to turn someone down if their terms don’t work for you.
That said, from now on, I recommend discussing and negotiating the terms after you meet in person.
Some people don’t like discussing the allowance during the messaging stage of a letter-date arrangement.
As for the allowance, wait for the man to make an offer. If you go on the date and don’t receive any allowance by the end, report him to the club.
And when you do, feel free to give him a seriously low rating.
I understand not wanting to date an older man if you’re not going to receive an allowance.
Still, while the person giving the allowance should handle it smoothly, I also think the person receiving it should do the same.
With a letter date, once you’ve exchanged at least one message each, it basically becomes a matter of personal choice, so you’re free to meet—or not meet.
A lot of men also use it because they can find out the allowance terms in advance. Some of them are just being stingy and trying to avoid paying for a meal with someone whose terms don’t suit them.
So, if we were ranking male members by how decent they are, I think you should assume that men who apply for a letter date are probably around a deviation score of 40 or below.
Of course, there are exceptions, so I do think it’s worth at least checking what kind of message they send.
However, if, as in your case, a man suddenly asks what allowance you want, he’s probably looking for someone who will accept a low allowance.
In that situation, it’s perfectly normal to turn him down.
I can’t help thinking, “If he’d just had dinner with her, enjoyed the conversation, and chosen a nice restaurant, he might have had a chance—what was he thinking?” If you keep approaching it as nothing more than an extension of a dating app, it’s never going to work.
But I suppose there aren’t many people who would actually tell him that. I would, though—although I know it would be difficult to say it, too.
Anyway, getting back to the point, in a case like this, I think you can simply reply, “Our terms don’t match, so I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet you.”
One thing to be careful about going forward is that with a letter date, if you simply block and ignore the man—as you might after meeting someone unpleasant—he may report it to the club. The staff may then get the impression that you have a problem with your attitude.
So at the very least, give him one proper refusal.
If he keeps messaging you after that, ask the staff, “Would it be okay for me to block him?” and then block him.
I think that’s the best way to avoid giving the staff a bad impression.
It’s fine to block and ignore someone after an actual date, but things are a little more complicated with letter dates.
