If I live as a mistress, will I eventually be abandoned?

In an affair-type relationship, I don’t think appearance has that much of an impact on whether it lasts. Once you develop a bond strong enough for both of you to become emotionally attached, your chances of being cast aside are probably about the same as they would be in marriage. If you’re not interested in getting married, all you need to do is build the financial stability to support yourself instead of depending on someone else. Good luck.

About ten years ago, a story made the rounds—Goldman Sachs, I think—about a brilliant investment banker who gave his mistress an extremely logical explanation when she asked why she ranked below his wife. In short, a mistress’s selling points are her looks and figure, whose value declines with age. A wife’s value lies in shared experiences and memories, which grow more valuable over the years. In investment banking, there are methods for evaluating a company’s worth while taking future changes into account. By that measure, a mistress may look beautiful, attractive, and highly valuable right now, but once future value is factored in, she is calculated to be worth less than an ordinary-looking wife. So, in a blunt, investment-banker sort of way, he told her, “You’re just for fun. I’m never going to take you seriously.” The story went viral because of how satisfyingly ruthless and rational it was. That said, it depends on the type of mistress. Some people are capable of building a relationship that grows deeper over the years, while others remain like a mirage forever. Madame Dewi was the third wife of President Sukarno, so she was not the First Lady. Even so, she’s a wonderful person, and despite everything, I think she has led a good life. If you want an answer in terms of probability, whether someone is a mistress or not isn’t really the point. A superficial person will get bored with and be discarded 100% of the time, while if she’s the real thing, an ideal supporter will always appear to pick her up even if she is discarded. The odds of succeeding as a mistress are really just the combined result of both people’s qualities. If I had to put a number on it, perhaps 80–90% are eventually discarded. Superficial relationships are easy and straightforward in a sense, so I think most people end up drifting in that direction. Taro

It feels like you’re talking as though being a mistress means being heavily restricted. But there are plenty of people who get married while doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), continue papa-katsu after getting married, or even start papa-katsu after getting married—and manage it well without getting caught. So I suppose it really comes down to the individual’s mindset.

Um, you don’t need to worry about being abandoned. You’re not his mistress right now, are you? Has your brain started leaking? Your twenties are the time to lay the groundwork. You’ve got tons to do.

Haha, exactly. I think that woman is right. You’d be better off finding a good person and getting married soon（笑） Based on what I’ve experienced since joining a dating club, I think most women move on after the first or second or third date. I wouldn’t call that a mistress arrangement, and even if a relationship continues, I imagine very few men—probably less than 5%—would support someone for that long, meaning more than ten years. In my case, I’m currently in my late sixties, or nearly 70 when rounded up. How many more years I’ll remain healthy is uncertain, though I suppose perhaps around ten years. I’m only seeing one woman. Even after the adult relationship ends, I’m willing to continue going on dates if she invites me, but who knows what will happen? I’d probably still give her an allowance even if we didn’t have an adult relationship, so you could call her a mistress. However, unlike now, I can’t promise how long I’ll be able to provide a stable allowance or continue dating her. A man in his forties might be able to support someone for around 30 years. But men in their forties are still very active, so I imagine it would also be difficult to keep a dating-club relationship going for that long.

There’s an 80% chance that woman is right. To avoid that, just save up around ¥200 million while you’re young. Find several papas who are genuinely in love with you and milk them for all they’re worth. This isn’t the time to be going to host clubs or buying designer brands. You should be buying stocks instead.

It depends on the man. There are men who stay involved until they pass away or become mentally incapacitated. In fact, my friend’s longtime senior supporter and I would never abandon her until the very end. Nor would we be the ones to walk away. Even if she got married, we wouldn’t necessarily lose touch. Also, I have absolutely no interest in professional women such as hostesses. With women like that, I don’t think it’s possible to build anything beyond a fleeting relationship—or even that. And if either person is consumed by suspicion and doubt, I don’t think the relationship will last. In your case, unless a man appears who can naturally become close to you, it may be difficult to continue while you remain in such an anxious state. Everyone is different. If a man comes along who sees your appeal, who knows what might happen? The possibilities are always there.