What do you do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for?

I do it for the money and the pleasure of sex—in other words, for the emotional stability I get through my relationship with my papa (a male supporter).

If you genuinely feel that way, then I think that’s perfectly fine. It’s just that since you’re asking other people, I’m not sure how serious you really are.

There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re free to spend your allowance however you like, and that’s fine. But if possible, I hope you’ll value yourself too and spend some of the money on yourself.

Why not ask your parents first whether they’d really be happy about it, and then decide? Marika

I want to have fun with women and enjoy adult relationships. I’m not dismissing your way of thinking, but I do think you should consider whether “living for your parents” has become more about your own ego. If I were the parent of someone in their twenties, I’d want my child to develop the ability to support themselves, even as they grow older. I wouldn’t particularly want them to make easy money and shower it on me. Being unfilial means dying before your parents, or leaving them unable to pass away peacefully because they’re still worried about you even after their death. Also, by the time you’re around your forties, your parents will have grown older too, and everyday life will likely become more difficult for them in various ways. When that time comes, please take care of your parents. That will be more meaningful—and more appreciated by them—than simply giving them money.

I joined a dating club because I was looking for a mistress. I think you should ask your parents how they want you to live, then try to fulfill their wishes. I don’t think living for your parents and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are directly related, though（笑).

How do you want to live? How you choose to live is entirely up to you. If you want to live for your parents, I think you should first ask them what kind of life would make them happy. Caring about how your parents feel is also part of living for them. If they say, “The greatest way to repay us would be for you to become a lawyer,” then work as hard as you can to become one. That is what it means to live for your parents. Good luck.

I’m basically doing it for myself. I have student loans and other debts to pay off, I want to enjoy a more glamorous lifestyle, and above all, I want to gain all kinds of experiences and learn from them. Whether it’s for your parents, yourself, or your favorite celebrity, I think any reason is fine. That said, while you’re together with your partner, I believe being considerate means making the utmost effort to ensure you both have an enjoyable time.

If you ask me why I do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the answer is: for myself. Because I want to do things I enjoy. Even if doing it for my parents is genuinely how you feel, I don’t recommend using that as the reason to push yourself into making this decision. (Although, when you’re actually doing papa-katsu, telling papas that is a good way to make them think you’re such a good girl.) I imagine the parents of someone as considerate of her parents as the person asking this question would be deeply shocked to learn that their daughter was doing something society generally considers wrong in order to earn money for them. (If her parents were involved in papa-katsu themselves, they might understand, but I imagine that would be quite rare.) If you truly have a good relationship with your parents, I think it would be better to live a respectable life and show them your gratitude that way. Also, when you act for someone else’s sake, it can become a way of escaping responsibility by blaming others when things go wrong. Papa-katsu carries many risks, and much of it ultimately comes down to taking responsibility for your own choices. I don’t think it’s something you should enter into while creating an escape route that lets you shift the blame from the start. And if your partner is married, papa-katsu can also lead to problems because it may be considered an affair... Showing gratitude to your parents should come from the heart, and I think the process matters. Your parents spent many years raising you and nurturing those feelings in you, so rather than trying to solve everything with money earned through papa-katsu, it would be much more human to repay them while balancing their remaining years with your own life in a healthy way. And, cruelly enough, because papa-katsu isn’t considered normal, when parents learn that the money their child used to express gratitude came from papa-katsu, they may judge not the process but the result—that their daughter was doing papa-katsu—and decide whether it was truly gratitude or a betrayal. That’s why I consider papa-katsu a hobby and use all the money I earn from it for myself. I give my parents money from my regular job. Of course, when you look at the end result, I’m still able to do that because of the money from papa-katsu, so my parents probably wouldn’t understand it that way. Still, I do share some of the souvenirs my papa gives me with my parents, lol. To begin with, wanting to show gratitude to your parents is something you want to do. So it’s for yourself, not for your parents, from the very start—unless your parents specifically told you to express your gratitude through papa-katsu. That’s just my personal opinion.

If your parents are good parents, that could be an option too. By all means, make plenty of money so you can give them an easier life. If they’re toxic parents, tell them to drop dead, cut ties with them, and make money and enjoy life for yourself. For me, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is largely about using the wealth I’ve saved up to make women I’ve grown close to happy, watching them move on with their lives, and receiving their gratitude—it fulfills my need for recognition. Some become nurses, dental hygienists, or pilots; others get married and have children. In most cases, we’re still friends ten years later.

If that makes your parents feel reassured, then I suppose it’s okay… But most parents would want you to stop doing that above all else… They’d feel ashamed and helpless.