Perhaps because I’ve spent so long on mistress clubs and papa-katsu sites, I feel uncomfortable contributing even a little when I go out for meals or dates with men I’ve met through friends or dating apps—men I’m genuinely getting to know.
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For example, if a meal for two costs ¥8,000, I still feel turned off even if the man pays ¥5,000 and I pay ¥3,000.
I also feel turned off if he says, “Then just cover the change,” and has me pay only a small amount.
Even if I pay for lunch and he pays for dinner, I still lose interest.
That said, if I’m on a genuine date and don’t even take out my wallet when the bill arrives, it probably leaves a bad impression.
With a papa (a male supporter), I don’t have to worry about any of that, which is much easier.
When you go on dates with men you’ve met genuinely, are you really not bothered by splitting the bill or paying a little?
For most young people, it seems perfectly normal to pay for themselves.
If this is a relationship outside of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), then I think it’s only natural for you to pay your own share.
Maybe being involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for so long has distorted your sense of what’s normal.
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Before I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I’d only ever split the bill.
Maybe it’s because I’d only dated guys my own age.
Even now, I have no problem splitting the bill. I have money too, lol.
That said, I may have developed the somewhat arrogant attitude of, “I only want to date men who are worth paying half for.”
If I don’t enjoy talking to a guy, I don’t really want to spend time talking to him even if he’s treating me…
Papa-katsu may have influenced me, but more than anything, I think I’ve grown up a little through work. Papa-katsu also gave me the confidence to realize I don’t have to fawn over men I don’t even like.
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I’m pretty much the same as Rin. The people I date are always older than me, so it’s not really about papa-katsu…
It’s not that I’m opposed to paying, but they have their image and pride to consider too. I can’t thank my past partners enough. Maybe Rin and I could become friends, haha.
How about working on yourself—inside and out—and building your confidence to the point where people won’t get a bad impression of you? If you put in that much effort, I think wealthy men will naturally be drawn to you—like attracts like, as they say.
By the way, when I go out with friends my age, even if we split the bill, I usually pay a little more. Some of them have children or live on their own, so I can’t help thinking, “Things must be tough for them.” I haven’t been splitting things exactly evenly lately…
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As I mentioned when discussing women I’ve dated before, splitting the bill is considered perfectly normal on dates these days.
As a man from the Showa era, I grew up when it was customary for men to pay.
But that custom comes from the idea that men should financially support women.
So, in a broader sense, the notion that splitting the bill is normal may actually be a good sign that gender equality is progressing.
It’s the same when older and younger people go out drinking: it’s customary for the older person to pay a larger share.
I believe that whoever has more money should contribute more.
As for the person asking the question, I think the frustration comes from lumping papa-katsu partners and same-age romantic partners together.
If a same-age partner doesn’t have much money, I think the more considerate and stylish approach would be for the woman to pay a little more than half, while also taking the man’s pride into account.
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I was surprised by the question itself, but I was even more surprised after reading everyone’s answers!
Before I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I always split the bill on dates. I liked the feeling of being equals and thought that was only natural. I guess that’s not how things are everywhere.
Everyone is different, and there’s no single right answer, so I think you should date someone whose terms you’re comfortable with.
Personally, when I started papa-katsu and my papa (a male supporter) began paying for everything, I was genuinely, genuinely touched.
It wasn’t just about the money—I was also moved by how much he cared about me. It made me realize that there are such wonderful men out there, and honestly, these days I find myself wanting to date only men who know how to treat a woman and escort her graciously.
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Even on ordinary romantic dates, I’ve never split the bill.
There have been times when we went shopping and I was asked if I had any change, so I paid with coins and got bills back as change.
Maybe it’s because I’ve only ever dated older men… or maybe it’s just my personality.
Even when we go out to eat, I’ve never had to serve myself food, and I’ve never even grilled my own meat at a yakiniku restaurant. Everything has always been done for me.
I don’t take it for granted, and I’m always grateful. But at this point, I don’t think I could date someone who suddenly said, “Let’s split the bill.”
I understand that it’s only natural to pay for what I ate, but I still find myself thinking that I probably couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that.
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If he’s older, that’s one thing, but you shouldn’t be unwilling to do it with a man your own age.
You should at least be willing to chip in that 1,000 or 2,000 yen—even if you don’t actually end up paying.
When it’s between men, or between classmates, you split the bill. The same goes for coworkers of the same rank or business owners: men and women split the bill equally. Not treating it that way would actually be rude.
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Before I got married, my ex-wife and I were kind of like that. I paid for about 80% of the time.
I liked that my ex-wife always insisted on paying her share. Though 15 years later, she ended up taking 100 million yen from me as spending money.
If the guy earns an average salary, I guess it can’t really be helped. If you’re considering marriage, being frugal might actually be a good sign.
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Personally, ever since I started working, I’ve never made a woman pay on a date.
Women may reach for their wallets when you’re out, but that’s probably just a little ritual they go through.
Are there really men who make women pay?
Personally, I think you simply shouldn’t date a man who makes you worry about something like that.
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