If you were chatting up a Starbucks employee and went on a date with her, holding hands would probably be a good sign. But at a dating club, I think it’s better not to. This isn’t ordinary romance—it’s an allowance-based relationship, so you need to discuss the terms first.
For example, if dinner only is a 1 and an adult relationship is a 5, then what would the allowance be for the zone in between—holding hands, kissing, or touching her breasts over her clothes? Taking advantage of that gray area without discussing it and without paying an allowance is nothing more than male selfishness. In free-form dating, that might be fine. But at a dating club, there’s a clear boundary involving the allowance, and I think there should be clear boundaries around physical behavior as well. Of course, if you’ve grown close and both of you agree, that’s fine. But you shouldn’t do it while you’re still feeling each other out. I used to do things like that myself, so I’m not in a position to sound superior, but speaking from experience, I think such behavior is often nothing but stressful for women—even if they’re open to an allowance-based relationship.
At a dating club, especially in the early stages, I think “the courage to put things into words” and “the literacy to express yourself” are important. Even if you click and things seem to be going well, don’t take that for granted. Talk about what needs to be discussed. But this shouldn’t be treated like negotiating rates at a brothel. First, tell her that you find her wonderful, then sincerely discuss the allowance while being considerate of the circumstances of a woman who has registered with a dating club. That kind of gentlemanly approach is especially important in the early stages and, in my opinion, is the safest way to avoid problems.
Even with a Type B arrangement, if a woman is receptive, she’ll bring up the subject herself. If she doesn’t, I’ll feel things out from my side. Some women simply want a little more time to decide, so I proceed while watching her reactions. But I always test the waters. The key is finding the right balance between feeling things out and not pushing too hard.
There are also women who don’t want to negotiate the allowance and prefer to prioritize their feelings. With those women, I first focus on making sure we click. Then, around the time we meet for the third or fourth time, when she starts thinking, “He might ask me soon,” the atmosphere changes. She may seem strangely distracted and not get as excited about topics that normally interest her. It’s hard to put into words, but there’s a distinctive change in the mood. When that happens, it’s better to go ahead and close the deal. The allowance can be discussed afterward (I usually leave it up to her, but you should be prepared to let her name the amount she wants and accept it). On the other hand, if you fail to take that step and the date ends with dinner, the opportunity becomes overripe and spoils. In my experience, two chances is the limit. If you strike out twice, you won’t see her again.
I’m speaking definitively based on my personal experience. It may differ from person to person, but I hope this helps.
Taro
As a general rule, with Dating Type B, the first meeting is dinner only, after which you part ways, so you shouldn’t ask her out on the first day.
If we’re talking about the second meeting onward, I think it’s best to ask directly toward the end of dinner (and keep the conversation fun during the meal), something like:
“For next time, I’d like us to have an adult relationship (intimate). I was thinking of an allowance of ¥〇〇万.”
If you’re old enough to know better but still say you’re afraid of being rejected, then it’s important to make sure she has a really good time during dinner—and to choose a pleasant restaurant that sets the right mood beforehand.
That way, you might be able to tell from things like whether her eyes are sparkling.
> I feel like it’s when she’s okay with holding hands.
Holding hands from the very first meeting… You sound like the kind of man who’s been getting a lot of negative feedback.
Haven’t you accumulated so many negative ratings that the staff warned you, “If you do it again, more points will be added and you’ll be forcibly banned”?
I’m starting to worry about you.
It’s not about signs or anything like that—it simply comes down to whether you’re the type of person the woman is willing to accept.
She took the courage to join a club she wouldn’t have joined otherwise, so unless there’s a serious issue, she generally won’t turn you down—especially since doing so would be a huge waste of her time.
You could ask things like, “Would you be open to an adult relationship next time?” or “I’m thinking of offering this much as an allowance—what do you think?” I think they’ll answer you. If they don’t respond, I’d take that as a sign to move on.
Marika
In my case, I focus first on helping the woman feel less guarded.
Once I can tell she’s starting to relax during our conversation, we usually reach an agreement on the allowance, and she’ll generally say yes.
By the way, I’m definitely not the type who’s especially popular, but even in my private life, I’ve never been turned down when I’ve confessed my feelings first.
That’s because I observe the other person carefully and only make my feelings known once I’m confident she’ll say yes.
Every woman is different, so I think it’s actually better not to focus too much on looking for obvious signs.
