How can I get an allowance from a papa who doesn’t currently give me one?
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I originally worked in the adult entertainment industry, where I met a kind customer. We started seeing each other outside the club. He takes me to all kinds of nice places to eat, and I enjoy talking with him, so I really like him.
Would this count as having a papa?
More than anything, we’re very compatible physically, and I used to really love being with him. But lately, he often says he’s too tired and can’t do it.
When I was working at the club, he would say things like, “I’ll give you 60,000 yen if you want an adult relationship,” or “I’ll give you 100,000 yen if you come on a trip.” But after we actually started meeting, I never received any allowance. At the time, I thought it was fine because we were having fun, he was good at it, and I enjoyed myself.
We spend three to five hours together once every week or two. I like our adult relationship and want to go to a hotel, but he says he’s happy just lounging around, watching TV, and spending time together.
I enjoy being with him, but what I liked most was our physical compatibility—his kindness and skill as an older man. So I feel like a bad person for thinking that if we’re only going to eat or watch movies without going to a hotel, I’d rather be alone or spend time with friends my own age.
Once I started thinking that way, I began calculating everything as an hourly rate. I have almost no experience with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but I’m considering working at a soapland or applying for an interview at Universe Club.
I want an adult relationship with someone I’m compatible with, and I’d rather receive an allowance than gifts. Ideally, I’d like to get it from this close papa—or rather, former customer—but I don’t want him to find out how greedy I am.
Now that we’re close, I can’t bring myself to say that I want an allowance. Since he doesn’t give me one, he occasionally buys me clothes or cosmetics, but I live with my older sister, so if I receive too many things, she might notice.
(I’ve never asked him directly, but I get the feeling that although he has money, he doesn’t like giving it as compensation for the time we spend together.)
What could I say to get this papa—my former customer—to give me an allowance?
Should I give up on him and look for a new papa, or work at a soapland instead?
But I like my former customer so much that when we have an adult relationship, I don’t need an allowance—I just want to see him. If I tried to do both at the same time, my schedule would become too packed.
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Why not be honest and say:
“I was okay with no allowance when the intimacy with you was good, but if we’re meeting without intimacy, I’d like an allowance.”
If he doesn’t want to lose you, he may make more of an effort in that area.
That said, wanting to resume the physical relationship while also receiving an allowance would be a different matter…
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I think turning to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or sex work just because it feels difficult to bring up money with a close male friend might be a bit of an easy, impulsive solution.
Let’s say I were in that man’s position, and I had genuine feelings for you.
If I found out that a woman I cared about had started working in the sex industry or found a new papa, I’d be hurt. And if the reason was, “I couldn’t bring myself to talk about money,” I’d be even more devastated.
I’d think, “Why didn’t you tell me? If you were considering sex work or papa-katsu, I could have helped you!!” It would feel like having my pride crushed as well.
For me, the fact that she had started working in the sex industry or doing papa-katsu would hurt less than the fact that she hadn’t told me about something I could have helped resolve.
You should definitely think carefully about how and when to bring it up, but why not start by facing this close male friend and talking openly about everything?
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You’re someone who wants an hourly rate because it’s easier than going to the club, while he doesn’t want to pay a sex worker he managed to date outside the club after all this time—and he’s grown tired of it, so he doesn’t even want sex that much anymore.
Neither of you is necessarily in the wrong; I just think you’re fundamentally incompatible.
If you still don’t want to cut ties, one way to get some cash for now would be:
> He occasionally buys you clothes or cosmetics instead of giving you an allowance.
Sell the cosmetics on Mercari and turn them into cash. Department-store cosmetics are better than clothes because they’re smaller and cheaper to ship.
For example, CHANEL or DIOR eyeshadow can cost around ¥7,500 new, and you can ship it with Mercari shipping for just ¥210. Even after fees, you’d probably have about ¥6,500 left.
And this may be presumptuous of me, but I really think you should also get a proper daytime job instead of relying on the soapland or papa-katsu… I’m worried that, if things continue this way, you’ll grow older while other people keep taking advantage of you. I’m sorry.
The people you meet through the adult-entertainment industry tend to be less decent than the people you meet through daytime jobs.
A lot of them are bad people who want to make themselves look better in the nightlife world or want someone to accept a version of themselves that isn’t their usual self. I think they’ll take advantage of you and dump their desires on you, leaving you hurt.
Even your current papa doesn’t look decent from the outside. He hasn’t even kept his promise of giving you ¥60,000 for an adult relationship, and he just treats you however he wants while ignoring your feelings, right?
For now, I recommend reducing how often you see him, making an effort to receive at least some money, looking for a daytime job, and either leaving the adult-entertainment industry soon or getting married sooner rather than later.
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