I joined about five months ago and, not knowing the ropes at all, sent offers to around 15 women. About two months ago, I started regularly going out for meals with three Black-class women, three Platinum-class women, and one Gold-class woman. They’re all Type B, so there’s no intimate relationship involved—we simply go out for dinner and a few drinks with one of them four or five nights a week.
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At this point, I’ve become unsure which woman I should continue seeing, so I wanted to ask for your opinions. Once the number of women I was having meals with reached seven, it started to feel like a lot to manage. Taking the more critical opinions from respondents into account, I decided I should narrow it down to one person and focus on making her happy.
I sometimes work night shifts and also have to work weekends. In those circumstances, I became closest to the woman whose schedule matched mine best, and with whom conversation felt natural and easy. The first time we became intimate, it ended up turning into an overnight stay, and we gradually began spending the night together.
For the past month, we’ve gone on dates twice a week, but because they involve staying over, each date ends up lasting two days and one night. In the end, I’m spending four days a week with her, and I no longer have the energy or stamina to see the other women I used to meet just for meals. When they invite me out, I’ve been declining, saying I’m busy with work.
They’re all wonderful women, so I do feel a little regretful about possibly losing touch with them, but is this just how things go?
Once I focus on one partner, I find myself thinking about her quite a lot even when we’re apart, and my feelings for her gradually grow stronger. I suppose that’s unavoidable.
Is it against the spirit of a dating club to develop feelings like this—to the point where you start to fall a little in love?
I’m still inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so I’m not very good at finding the right balance.
And if you ask what my question is, I suppose this isn’t really a question. But I’d appreciate hearing any opinions you may have.
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I’m Takei, a staff member.
Like you, some members find that focusing on just one woman leaves them unable to relax, so they continue seeing her while occasionally offering to meet new women as well.
In that case, you’ll also need to adjust how often you see her.
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You don’t need to worry about the club’s intentions. You also don’t need to pay more attention than necessary to general ideas about what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is “supposed” to be.
If you focus on one person, develop genuine feelings for each other, and you’re both happy, that’s wonderful.
That said, what I’d like you to carefully and calmly consider is whether the woman you’re seeing has the same level of romantic feelings and emotional investment as you do.
Relationships that begin through a dating club are based on financial support. So it’s perfectly normal for a woman to think, “I can put up with a few things.”
With that in mind, I think it can be risky to cross the usual boundaries of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) early in the relationship. In your case, regardless of how often you meet, I’m particularly concerned about how long you keep her with you at a time.
From the personality I can sense in your message, I doubt you’re forcing her into it. But if you misread how she actually feels, the relationship could fall apart.
Please don’t jump to the conclusion that she’s enjoying herself just because she looks happy when you’re together or seems happy in your LINE messages.
Try to observe her words and actions carefully, while keeping in mind that you might possibly be asking too much of her.
I believe that, over time, this kind of consideration and attentiveness from the man may occasionally allow the woman to switch into a genuinely romantic mode as well.
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> I’m going to focus on just one partner.
I think that’s a good idea. You should let yourself get more and more invested.
Just make sure they become equally invested in you, too.
The key question is:
Are you the type who naturally wants to do for your partner what you’d want them to do for you? Or are you the type who feels happy simply from doing things for them and making them happy?
I think people fall into two categories: those who put their own feelings first, and those who see their partner’s happiness as their own.
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Sounds fun~ It’s that thrilling, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling of setting sail on the open sea—or maybe just taking your first step into the rabbit hole. Keep going! Go!
I’d love for you to write a column about it exactly as it is. I want to see a column with even more energy than Kamihiko-san’s “Pretender” column.
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People usually don’t stay overnight. Even if you book a room for the night, you can just head home the same day.
And don’t be stingy by insisting on a second round. Deep down, she probably wants to go home the same day too.
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