A PJ I’m seeing through a club invited me to go on a Christmas Eve date.
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She says she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that I’m her only papa (a male supporter)—or at least that’s the arrangement? We’re having a great time, but honestly, I feel very uncomfortable meeting a beautiful woman in her early twenties through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) on Christmas Eve.
I don’t know whether she has someone, and I have no intention of asking. Ideally, I’d rather she spend a fun evening with her boyfriend or a potential boyfriend and just keep it from me.
Is there a tactful way to turn her down?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I’m female member Potassium.
I reread this question after seeing you post defamatory comments a few posts later, and it made me wonder if you’re an incredibly self-centered person.
This applies to both men and women, but don’t you think the better approach is to act in a way that makes the other person want to do something for you, rather than demanding things from them?
In this case, aren’t you simply uncomfortable with spending Christmas with your PJ and trying to hide that by pretending you’re doing it for her sake?
More fundamentally, your actions and your way of thinking are already contradictory. It’s sad to see the woman being pushed and pulled around as you impose one side of that contradiction on her.
I don’t know what her reasons are, but if she’s sticking to the arrangement she has with you, then you should either go along with it so you don’t disrupt her arrangement, or change the arrangement together with her. Otherwise, I think it will become painful for both of you.
Imposing what you want and throwing a tantrum because things aren’t that way makes you sound like a child.
In this situation, to avoid disrupting the arrangement, you could simply say that you have work that day or a company event, without bringing your private life into it. Whether it’s true or not isn’t the important part.
If your PJ is properly treating her relationship with you as the arrangement it is, she’ll understand and won’t pry—unless she actually wants a serious romantic relationship with you.
Rather than demanding things from her, I think you should start by changing your own behavior.
I’m not sure I’ve gotten my point across, but I’ll trust that those who understand will understand.
Well, my papa does understand me, though. That’s just my personal opinion.
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I don’t really understand why you’re hesitant.
If you’ve been enjoying things under those terms until now, I think you can keep the same arrangement for Christmas.
If you’re worried that she’s starting to develop real feelings, just assume she’s saying that because she wants a Christmas present and meet her with that in mind.
Then, if you give her something reasonably expensive, you’ll probably feel like, “My performance as an ATM still hasn’t lost out to the other papas,” and your hesitation about meeting her should go away.
If you’re going to indulge your adolescent fantasies, at least flesh out the details properly.
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No one asked, but I’ve already got plans for Christmas—I was invited on a date by one of the women I’m seeing（笑）
Since she went to the trouble of inviting me, I figured I should go.
I’ve never turned down an invitation or a little request from them（笑）
> She says she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that I’m her only papa (a male supporter)—or at least that’s the setup? We’re seeing each other, and we’re both having a great time, but…
My situation is exactly the same, except in our case, we’re both “each other’s only one” （笑）
> I’m honestly pretty uncomfortable meeting a beautiful woman in her early twenties through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) on Christmas Eve.
In my case, we’re more than 40 years apart, so I feel exactly the same way—not just at Christmas, either. It feels very strange（笑）
So we keep a low profile and enjoy ourselves quietly（笑）
If you see a young woman enter a restaurant first, followed a little later by an old guy, that’s probably me—so please pretend you didn’t see anything.
Thanks（笑）
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You should also hide any signs of your wife or girlfriend.
PJ is hiding any signs of her husband or boyfriend too.
My guess is that her husband or boyfriend had to work on Christmas Eve. She doesn’t want to spend it alone, so I’m betting she invited you.
Can you think of any other reason?
It’s me.
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Are you single, by any chance? If someone with a family goes out that day, it’s practically asking to be suspected…
That said, I was free that day too, so I ended up asking a gentleman I’d recently met out on a date. Women enjoy going out for a nice meal more than staying home alone on Christmas Eve, after all.
He probably expects at least a little something as a gift, so if you can’t think of anything thoughtful, please add it to the allowance.
Marika
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If your child is still young, how about saying something like, “Thank you, I’m happy to hear that, but I need to spend that day with my child”?
The fact that he isn’t going out with other girls and values his family could be a big plus.
Though it might be harder if your child is older…
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She doesn’t see you as a boyfriend or anything.
You’re reading too much into it.
She was probably just bored and had nothing else to do.
So there’s no particular need to turn her down.
As I mentioned before, I also spent Christmas Eve last year with a former black-label dating partner.
I felt a little guilty about it, but she didn’t think anything of it. She only met me because she happened to be free that day.
That’s just how it is.
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