I’m dreading today’s first meeting with a man in his 60s. I couldn’t fall asleep and ended up waking up at this odd hour.
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I’ve met two men in their 60s before, but they really did have a grandfatherly vibe. The age gap is huge, and I feel embarrassed and depressed about being seen together inside a restaurant or walking around outside.
I was worried that turning down offers or putting an age limit on my profile would leave a bad impression and make even the good offers stop coming, so I couldn’t do that.
How can I get through today’s meeting in a positive way without making the man feel bad?
I know this may sound rude, but even men in their 50s are generally older than my own father, so I already feel uncomfortable. When it comes to someone who’s 60, I just can’t help feeling that way...
The men in their 60s I met before said, “I usually made offers mainly to women in their 40s, but...” If that’s the case, why did they specifically make an offer to someone in her 20s this time? I find myself thinking they should just stick to women in their 40s.
Don’t men feel embarrassed when there’s such a big age gap and the two of them clearly don’t seem to match in terms of vibe? Or do they simply not notice?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
She thinks setting an age limit would make her look bad, yet she also thinks men in their 60s shouldn’t be sending her offers.
She comes across as pretty self-centered.
What makes it look like papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a man and woman with a significant age gap dining at an expensive restaurant.
That’s why people book private rooms at pricier restaurants.
If they were simply a close father and daughter, no one would think anything of a man in his 60s and a woman in her 20s eating together at a family restaurant.
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Given your age, I suppose a 60-year-old would seem like a grandpa to you.
How about meeting him with the mindset that you’re just going to chat with a grandpa in a nursing home?
Since you said that grandpas in their 50s and 60s have money, why not think of it as going to get some pocket money?
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There may be fewer wonderful men in their 60s at dating clubs than you’d expect, but if you look around in the wider world, there are actually quite a lot of them.
If it bothers you that much, you should set an age limit. It’s disrespectful to the men who are paying at least some fees to make you offers.
And please don’t ask questions as if you’re the poor victim. You registered because you need an allowance, didn’t you?
The men I thought were wonderful in my early 20s were 30 or 40 years older than me, though...
Either way, whether it’s a dating club or anything else, let’s at least follow the basic rules.
Akari
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I’m Yoshino, a female member.
I think all you need to do to get through today’s setting brightly without making the man uncomfortable is greet him, thank him, and respond clearly with a smile. I’m rooting for you♡
I’m not sure what kind of offer would be a good one for you, but you removed your own deal-breakers to increase your chances. Since you’ve received an offer, I think it’s better to make the most of it, win him over, and turn it into a good connection♪
Also, when you finally receive a good offer, meeting all kinds of people and gaining experience so they won’t think, “She’s not quite what I expected…” may also become part of your appeal.
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Age is a major factor in this kind of activity. Looking at it the other way around, most men probably wouldn’t be interested in women in their 60s or 70s. So I can understand where this young questioner is coming from. However, when the questioner says, “I can’t do women in their 60s, but I don’t want my offers to decrease just because I set an age limit,” even Joe—who’ll be turning 60 the year after next—wants to say, “So what exactly do you want?”
I don’t think dating-club activities are something you should do if they’re causing you stress, so I recommend simply limiting your options to women under 40.
Incidentally, the oldest woman Joe has been with was 64. As she gets older, she keeps updating the record. That said, it’s not that she was attractive because she was 64—it was more that an attractive woman happened to be 64. And based on her looks, she could easily pass for someone in her 40s.
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I can understand how you feel, since there seem to be fewer men over 60—or even men in their 40s and 50s—who are genuinely gentlemanly and mature, like the people who answer here and the people they date.
I’m the same gender, but I’ve become happier since I started keeping as much distance as possible from people I feel embarrassed to be around.
It’s not that being in your 60s is bad; the problem is people in their 60s who make no effort and simply act their age. I’m saying this partly as a reminder to myself.
The older business owners who look after younger entrepreneurs around my age are all people I think are really cool. It’s not just about their money—they’re cool overall.
There are some who are full of misunderstandings about themselves, but I gradually distance myself from them. Embarrassing people usually don’t realize how embarrassing they are, and I rarely go out of my way to tell someone, “You’re embarrassing.” I will say it if I get angry enough, though（笑）
Some of the girls I’m currently seeing, as well as girls I’ve dated in the past, had age limits listed on their profiles. If it’s causing you too much stress, I think it’s perfectly fine to do the same.
Among the girls I’ve dated, I hadn’t met anyone who seemed to enjoy seeing men over 60. But recently, by chance, I met someone who was seeing one of the respondents here, and she looked like she was having a great time.
That’s what a cool man in his 60s looks like, but I think they’re a rare breed.
That said, men in their 50s and 60s are definitely more likely to have considerably more money than I do.
Think about your goals and your own mental well-being, and then decide what’s right for you.
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If you don’t want to see a man in his 60s, I think it’s better for your peace of mind not to accept the offer.
As I always say, please make the relationship enjoyable and mutually beneficial for both of you.
I wouldn’t take it personally if someone set an age limit. I’ve been turned down for offers many times, so I simply wouldn’t be considered in the first place.
What bothers me more is when someone acts or speaks as though they’re uncomfortable after we’ve already met.
Also, as someone who has experienced both having offers rejected and suspecting someone of misrepresenting their relationship type, once we meet and the relationship begins, I feel even more inclined to treat her well.
In fact, there’s more than a 40-year age gap between me and the woman I started seeing, and we’ve been together for four years. There’s no sign of it ending anytime soon—it feels like it could continue indefinitely.
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They were supposed to ask you during the interview what the oldest age you’d be comfortable with was, so maybe the staff member forgot to ask? ＞＜
Since you’ve already agreed to this date, I think it would be best to assume that even if he’s in his 60s, he might still be someone you can enjoy talking with.
> I was worried that declining offers or putting an age limit on my profile would leave a bad impression and cause me to miss out on good offers, so I couldn’t do that.
A bad impression?
It won’t make you look bad to the staff. If you mean the impression it might make on men, some people may not like women who set age limits, but in most cases, that’s probably just something men of that age might say, so I don’t think you need to worry about it.
So I think you should tell them, “Men in their 50s or 60s would be difficult for me, so could you limit it to men in their 40s or younger?” and have them note your age preference.
Also, log in to the member page and add a comment yourself saying, “Men aged 50 and over would be difficult for me.”
Moreover, you can probably get a general idea of the man’s age when you receive an offer. If you tell them at that point that you’d like to decline, the date won’t be arranged even if you received the offer.
They won’t think anything of it if you decline, as long as you have a clear reason.
That said, I do feel they should have let you set an age limit during the interview in the first place.
> They said they’d mainly been sending me offers from men in their 40s until now, so why do you think they specifically sent me an offer from someone in his 20s this time?
Perhaps you have a calm or mature vibe and look older than your 30s, or maybe the staff comments say something like, “She’s very composed for a woman in her 20s.” There was probably something about you that made them feel it would be okay to send you an offer from someone in his 20s.
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Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is when there’s an age gap of around 30 years or more. A gap of about 20 years doesn’t really count as papa-katsu.
You should probably set the age limit around the early 40s. Even then, everyone thinks they look 10 or 20 years younger, so you’ll still get plenty of offers.
Men and women both feel pretty much the same as they did when they were students.
> I was worried that putting an age limit on my profile would make a bad impression and cause me to miss out on good offers, so I couldn’t do it.
Sometimes having an age limit actually makes a better impression.
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It simply means that 60-something man didn’t have enough appeal to transcend his age.
When men and women are young, their youth alone makes them reasonably popular. And yes, once men reach their 60s, the differences between them become much more obvious. It’s less about their appeal as men and more about the stability and confidence that successful people carry—the aura they give off. In a word, it’s the appeal of a strong male. That transcends age.
I hope you, like the female respondents here, will still be in demand when you reach your 30s. But rejecting people based on age is really just the flip side of being afraid of growing old. And why are you afraid of aging? Maybe because, deep down, you realize that youth is the only thing you have going for you.
Also, you may not have noticed, but even if you’re just having dinner at a restaurant with a man in his 40s, everyone around you already assumes it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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You don’t really seem to have settled on a stance.
If you don’t like men in their 60s, why not just turn down their offers? You could also set an age limit. I mean, you don’t like it, right? If you feel you can’t turn them down because you want the offers, then bite the bullet and face them head-on. Putting up with something for money isn’t really what a dating club is supposed to be about, but if that’s what you want to do, then go ahead. Just don’t complain—see it through.
I think the way to get through an unpleasant situation with a positive attitude is not to look at what you dislike and to erase it from your mind. They say that if you empty your mind, even fire feels cool—but since we haven’t attained enlightenment, fire is still just hot. Once you’ve seen something unpleasant, you can’t simply erase it from your mind, so think about how to avoid looking at it in the first place.
There was one woman whose face—or rather, a particular expression she made—was a real physical turnoff for me. In every other respect, she was wonderful, so I wanted to continue seeing her, but having even one moment that bothered me on that instinctive level was pretty tough. So I came up with a plan and chose a restaurant with counter seating. Surprisingly, it worked out quite well. You don’t look directly at her face when you’re sitting at the counter. After we finished eating, we walked side by side, so I still wasn’t looking at her head-on. Then, once we got to the room, I quickly took a shower, dimmed the lights, and it was no problem at all. I thought, “Oh, I managed to dodge the issue and make it work♪” (I was happy.)
So, questioner, you should put your thinking cap on too. Even if something seems completely dry, squeeze it, and you’ll usually get a drop or two of some strange juice. They say invention is the mother of necessity—or was it the other way around!? Well, who knows. Anyway, the point is: instead of wasting time complaining, think of a way to solve the problem.
Taro
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