If you have an intimate relationship with the same person many times through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), do feelings beyond money—or perhaps affection—eventually develop? Sorry for the vague question.
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I'd like to hear opinions from both men and women.
In my case, I think I developed genuine affection and emotional attachment to every girl I continued seeing. And I felt that they had developed feelings for me to some extent as well.
Of course, only they know how they truly felt, but they made me feel that way, and if I was able to believe it, I didn’t really care whether it was an act or a lie.
Because I had those feelings for them, I naturally wanted to help when they were struggling, and even after we parted ways, I would still help if they came to rely on me—within reason, of course.
I often find myself reflecting on how I handle boundaries and distance these days, but it’s also an issue with my personality, so improving in that area may be difficult.
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I only continue seeing someone to the point of becoming intimate if I feel I could genuinely like them as a person, so I don’t think my feelings start from zero.
Whether those feelings are affection or friendship varies, but at the very least, if nothing shifts from zero to one on the first date, I probably won’t go on a second.
How deep my feelings become depends on the other person. They may deepen as we continue seeing each other, but, strangely enough, even early in an arrangement, they can deepen depending on the allowance.
That said, I don’t think I develop feelings for someone simply because they’re good at sex.
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As an arrangement continues over time, naturally, feelings develop that go beyond money.
That said, I think we both—the woman I’m seeing and I—still see money as the foundation of it all.
We’ve been seeing each other for four years now, and I feel that money is still an important factor for her as well. Since I couldn’t return those feelings even if she became serious about me, I think this kind of balance works for us.
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You do start to feel a sense of security when you’ve been seeing someone for a year or two. You get to know them—their sense of boundaries, the things they won’t do, whether they constantly message you, and so on.
I like him as a person, but getting emotionally attached feels like it could become complicated, so I keep myself in check and try not to get too invested. I always see multiple people to keep my feelings from getting too focused on one person.
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In the first place, I only date people I can respect as individuals and genuinely like.
Of course, my feelings may grow or fade as the relationship progresses.
Akari
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I think it depends on the person you’re seeing.
I joined with some pretty ambitious hopes: to meet wonderful men I would never encounter in my everyday life, date mature men who are financially comfortable, and have someone take the lead in the intimate side of things.
Since I receive an allowance, I try to make the man happy in return and maintain a secure relationship that doesn’t threaten his everyday life. So because I’m seeing someone I genuinely like and respect as both a person and a man, my feelings aren’t merely emotional attachment—I’m attracted to him as a man and respect him.
I also don’t feel that my partner is looking to women solely to satisfy his desires. We’ve been able to build a good relationship because what we’re both looking for aligns.
That said, if either of us feels differently, I don’t think the relationship would continue, even if everything else were going well. That’s what makes it difficult, too.
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In my case, there are some people I develop feelings for and others I don’t…
My current papa (a male supporter) is the former.
But in the past, I was also involved with someone from the latter group for over a year—almost two years, actually. I feel like he was quite satisfied, so I think I was able to treat him well as a client.
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Developing feelings depends not on the number of dates, but on the quality of the relationship.
If you’re seeing someone you don’t like, no matter how many times you meet, you probably won’t develop feelings for them.
But if you genuinely like each other, I think even a few dates can lead to a deep connection.
That said, it’s difficult for men to know whether a woman is seeing them because she genuinely respects them, or simply sees them as an ATM she can easily withdraw money from.
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I’m a female member, Potassium.
Of course, receiving an allowance is, to some extent, a prerequisite for my own future and security. But from the very beginning, I’ve approached these relationships out of genuine interest in learning about the other person’s values, outlook on life, and way of thinking.
So by the time we’ve talked over dinner dates or letter dates, I’ve already developed feelings. I wouldn’t become intimate with someone who doesn’t stir my emotions, so feelings don’t arise from the physical relationship itself.
Naturally, I’m happy to receive an allowance too—as a sign of the man’s feelings and our agreement. But for me, the real value lies in being able to spend time with a man and share special experiences together. So maybe I’m a little unusual…
Getting to hear about the experiences of someone much older than me is something money can’t really buy, and it isn’t something you can just find for sale. I think it’s incredibly valuable and fascinating! It’s seriously entertaining!
That’s my personal theory, from Potassium.
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Even after seeing someone many times, you may not develop romantic feelings, but you do gradually grow attached to them as a person.
I’m currently in the middle of ending a long-term relationship with a woman. We’ve been intimate and developed a deep bond, so it’s genuinely painful for me to be the one ending things. She’s devastated and has been crying her eyes out.
It makes me wonder whether a more casual relationship—one where you don’t become so emotionally attached—might be better.
That said, it’s hard to imagine a woman developing genuine feelings in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) simply because you’ve been intimate. If there were any feelings involved, wouldn’t they be feelings tied to the allowance?
The proof is that even if she’s been intimate with a papa (a male supporter) she adores, she probably wouldn’t want to see him without receiving an allowance.
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Men tend to be romantics (or maybe they’re just suffering from chūnibyō), so I think many of them do develop feelings.
Women, on the other hand, are often seen as more realistic, so I’d say only about half develop feelings—and even then, usually only when the man is exceptionally good.
Women can smile and be kind even when they’re not enjoying themselves, and many won’t show their true feelings at all.
So I don’t think there are many men who can tell the difference.
Whether feelings develop or not, please don’t forget that an allowance is still essential.
(If you want a relationship without an allowance, please look somewhere else.)
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