Many of the women I’ve continued seeing long-term have at least some qualities besides their looks that I’m attracted to. But when it comes to parting ways with someone who brings nothing to the table yet has high demands, is simply saying goodbye enough?
I’ve never ended an arrangement before, so I’d appreciate hearing a little about how everyone else handles breakups.
*By “brings nothing to the table yet has high demands,” I mean someone who seems to want things like:
to ride in luxury cars, go on trips, receive more messages, and be genuinely cared about.
On top of that, she has no real work-related skills, but immediately takes things seriously and quits whenever she claims she’s being sexually harassed or that someone is hitting on her at work. As a working adult, she’s not someone I can respect at all.
I suppose I’m the one at fault for making the offer in the first place and not ending things sooner, though...
Thank you in advance.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
I’m not the person who asked the question, but I’m also on the hiring side, so—
People who start complaining about quitting almost immediately after joining are usually unqualified or unable to handle even the bare minimum. They can’t face or understand what they’re incapable of, so they look for someone else to blame. They’re the worst kind to deal with, so you have to handle them very carefully.
In terms of shifting the blame, you and the other person are cut from the same cloth.
That said, there are also plenty of complete idiots who casually engage in sexual harassment at work. Some people can stop them through sheer competence and authority, while others can’t.
Simply put, don’t pursue it any further. Just say goodbye.
Akari
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> Someone with nothing to offer but high demands
Would you really give an allowance to someone who had nothing going for them?
I assume you made the offer and gave them an allowance because there was something you liked about them.
Think again about why you made the offer in the first place, and why you decided to continue seeing them after the date.
Maybe they were attractive, fun to talk to, or had a great figure. There must have been something.
So describing them as having “nothing to offer” comes across as arrogant on your part.
Look at it another way: it means you don’t have the financial means to meet their demands. For example, if the woman kept asking you to buy her a 10-yen Tirol chocolate every time, you wouldn’t think her demands were excessive, would you? You might even think, “That’s all you want? How cute.”
That’s probably because fulfilling the request wouldn’t cost much. In other words, you only feel someone’s demands are excessive because you can’t afford to meet them.
The world doesn’t revolve around you.
I think you should try looking at the situation from a few different perspectives.
And since two people chose to be involved with each other, I believe they should part ways sincerely and respectfully as well.
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You said you were going to quit your job because you took it seriously when someone said there was sexual harassment at work and that people were making advances.
But people who engage in unacceptable behavior like sexual harassment and unwanted advances are extremely bothersome. Please don’t play the victim. I’m being sexually harassed too, so this is really causing me trouble. I’m even considering demanding compensation. If you’re going to make advances, you should at least be prepared to make her your mistress.
You probably don’t realize how self-centered your behavior is.
The reason women aren’t attracted to you is that you have your own shortcomings. Don’t blame others—you simply have poor judgment when it comes to women. Just properly say goodbye to the woman in question and move on.
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I’m guessing the people you’re seeing are young employees who have since left our company.
Fortunately, I’ve never encountered anyone like that among the people I’ve dated, but no matter how carefully we screen applicants, a certain number of oddballs inevitably slip in among our employees.
Based on my limited experience, your partner seems to have some emotionally unstable tendencies, so I’d recommend handling the situation carefully.
As an excuse, something along the lines of “My wife or my main girlfriend found out and may check my LINE messages” would probably work. I also think it may save you trouble if you express your gratitude wholeheartedly and, depending on the circumstances, respond to their requests promptly.
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From the way it’s written, he sounds kind of arrogant…
Don’t you feel bad for the woman?
If he was just going to break up with her, they shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. And whether a woman shines or not depends on the man too, doesn’t it?
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If it were me, I’d say the best option is to part ways without causing any conflict—leave on good terms.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t meet anymore. Thank you for everything.”
I’d express my gratitude for everything up to now and then say goodbye.
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The best thing is not to use LINE.
You don’t have to worry about whether your messages have been read, and SMS is convenient because it has a blocking feature. Unlike LINE, there’s also no trick that lets the other person know you’ve blocked them.
That’s the basic premise, but since that doesn’t really answer the question, here are some things I’ve actually said when ending things:
“My girlfriend found out I was doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
“My business hasn’t been doing well, so I can’t afford the allowance anymore.”
“I’ve found someone I can date without an allowance.”
“I’ve been transferred to Hokkaido.”
“I’ve been transferred to Kyushu.”
I’ve used all of these before.
Other than that, if you’re using LINE, I think it’s perfectly fine to leave their messages unread and then block them without another word.
> “People who make demands without offering anything…”
Can I push back on that a little?
The median allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) is only 50,000 yen. And despite paying that amount, some people send long LINE messages every day, demand a pseudo-romantic relationship, ask for a second round, or suggest trips without offering any extra allowance—they really do whatever they want.
I think the papa (a male supporter) is overwhelmingly more likely to be the unreasonable one.
So when ending things, at the very least, keep the good memories with her in your heart, say “thank you,” and then block her on LINE. I’m saying this as a reminder to myself, too.
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