I’m seriously worried.
I’m 24, and he’s 41.
This is about dating a regular man, not someone from Universe, but since he’s 41—the same generation as the male members on Universe, perhaps—I thought I might be able to get some advice from a man’s perspective, so I wanted to ask.
It’s been several years since we met, but when I reached out again recently, he replied, and we’ve gone out for dinner about six times over the past three months.
He tells me he likes me, and I definitely feel that he’s interested, but so far, it’s still been dinner only with no progress.
It’s always been:
Dinner → He takes me home by taxi → We say goodbye.
We had dinner yesterday as well, but we got caught up chatting about trivial things and three hours flew by, so we never got to have a more serious conversation. That’s how it usually goes...
On the way home in the taxi, I asked him, “What do you think of me?”
He said, “Huh? (looking flustered) I think you’re great.”
So I asked, “Does thinking I’m great mean something different from liking me?”
He replied, “No, they’re the same! Wait, you didn’t understand that? I wouldn’t meet you if I didn’t like you!”
It felt like a rather vague answer.
“Let’s have a proper talk about that next time! Oh, turn right here—I’m getting out here. See you again soon! Good night!”
And, as usual, we went our separate ways.
Afterward, I messaged him:
“I’ve never really understood what you were thinking, but I’m glad I understand you a little better now.”
He replied, “That’s good!” and “Let’s meet again soon.”
But I’m thinking, when exactly is “soon”? And what does he mean by “let’s have a proper talk next time”? I’m getting frustrated because nothing is progressing.
I like him and want to date him, but even if I tell him that, I can’t imagine how things would develop from here into an intimate relationship and eventually dating him... I really have no idea.
My only experience has been with a dating club, where you have a first meeting, eat together, and then go straight to a hotel, so I don’t really understand ordinary dating.
Is this man’s behavior normal?
Does it feel like things won’t progress unless I make the first move from here?
I’d love to hear your opinions.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You’ve been so affected by papa-katsu that you can’t give off normal signals anymore.
He must be such an appealing man that someone your age—around the papa-katsu generation—could genuinely fall for him.
For men, their most popular period is usually around ages 40 to 48, so you could say he’s reached the peak of his prime.
Unlike you, innocent women with no papa-katsu experience may already have appeared around him, meaning he can take his pick.
Since you don’t give off the same signals as an ordinary woman, he may be thinking even more cautiously, especially since you’re still asking about this after several years.
He’s popular enough without papa-katsu, so he probably has other women to be intimate with or go out to eat with. There’s no particular reason for him to sleep with you. In other words, the two of you completely missed the timing for that kind of relationship.
Even if you asked for a physical relationship, or said you had feelings for him and wanted to date now, he’d be confused. You had already given up on that possibility, so at this point, there’s absolutely no need for it.
That said, men are basically idiots at heart, so if you asked him for it, he could switch gears.
To put it bluntly, he could change his attitude.
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He’s a fairly mature man, but perhaps he doesn’t have much experience with romance. Or maybe he cares about you so deeply that he can’t bring himself to make a move.
Given the situation, it would be nice if he’d just ask you to be his partner already.
If you like him, why not tell him yourself, “Let’s be together”?
I hope it works out for you!
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Since this doesn’t seem directly related to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I thought it might be deleted, but since it’s still here, I’ll answer.
At a dating club, it’s common for things to become an adult relationship (intimate) within a few meetings. But when you meet someone through ordinary channels, it may take more time.
Especially if you have some normal connection, such as working together.
If you misread the situation and make a move, things could get awkward, so some people might take their time and go on several dinner dates until they’re 99% sure everything is okay.
> Does that mean things won’t progress unless I make the next move?
Pretending to be drunk and asking him to take you home—or is that kind of an old-fashioned move?
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If he has little experience with women, that’s pretty normal.
If I were him, on the second date I’d make out with her passionately in the taxi, touch her breasts, and put my hand inside her panties to see how she reacted. If she didn’t resist much, I’d invite her to a hotel right then.
Then I’d decide whether to start dating her after we slept together. The order doesn’t really matter—once we’ve done it, I can date you, after all.
That said, when I was around twenty, I followed the proper steps and still got rejected, haha.
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I’m not the person involved, so this is purely speculation.
I think the man is afraid of being turned down or rejected by you. Also, going on six dates without becoming intimate isn’t all that unusual outside of dating clubs. I often found myself in situations like that when I was in my early twenties.
If you tell him that you like him and want to be with him, knowing how you feel may encourage him to take the relationship further.
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It’s off-topic, so it’ll probably be deleted soon anyway.
Just ask him outright whether he wants to date you. A shy guy like that won’t be able to say it himself.
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