Thank you for your answers. They were very helpful. There were opinions both for and against telling them, and since people are divided here too, I started to think there may not be one right answer. By the way, I’ve met six people so far, and every one of them has asked me.
The reason I don’t want to share my name is that my family name is quite rare—only about 300 people in the whole country have it. If someone searches for my family name, my relatives show up at the top of the results. If they search my given name as well, they can find a competition I participated in years ago and figure out which schools I attended from middle school through university.
Also, the reason I wrote, “Maybe I’m not suited to this?” is that I originally planned to write, “Is it common to ask for someone’s real name?” or “Why do you ask for someone’s real name?” But I thought that might sound as though I were blaming the men, even though they probably don’t mean any harm, so I deliberately phrased it as if I were the problem. I was struggling with whether I should tell them if sharing your real name is considered normal. I wasn’t hoping for people to tell me that I’m not suited to this, and even if I am, I plan to try it a little longer before deciding for myself.
Sorry this isn’t really a question. Thank you again.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
To sum up my previous answer:
- You don’t have to answer questions that ignore the level of familiarity between you.
- Even at the first meeting, you can usually get a sense of how close you are with someone.
I think it’s about finding the right balance between these two points.
If someone asks you something that feels too personal for the level of familiarity you have, it could involve some risk, so I’d recommend thinking carefully before answering.
I also know that looking me up online can reveal quite a bit of information, so I don’t immediately share my personal details. I wait until I’ve gotten to know the other person to some extent.
At the same time, if you can’t establish a certain level of rapport during the first meeting, I feel you probably won’t click. In that case, I use it as a way to gauge compatibility, since I likely won’t meet them again.
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What Mac said makes the most sense to me.
I think that’s probably the difference between prostitution and a dating club, too.
By the way, men don’t necessarily want to know a woman’s last name either. At least, I don’t.
In that case, I just feel a little uncomfortable if even the name we call each other by is fake…
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I think the person who asked this question brought up a really good point.
It was educational for me too, seeing all the different answers. That part really hit home.
This question made me realize that maybe I’m the one who isn’t cut out for this—I’m starting to feel a little scared.
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My real name is also extremely rare—there’s probably no one else in the country with it—so if someone searched for me, everything would come up immediately. I’ve even been harassed by a man from a dating club after I turned down an adult relationship, simply because he knew my real name.
On the other hand, it’s also true that trusting someone enough to share my real name has allowed me to build deep relationships with generous (well-paying) papas, both in the past and present. I feel like many papas are genuinely happy when a woman trusts them, and it makes them want to do all sorts of things for her.
That said, sharing personal information definitely carries risks, so I suppose we have to find a balance between privacy and communication. Let’s do our best without pushing ourselves too hard.
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Basically, I think it’s better not to remember their real names.
There’s a girl I particularly like whose surname is unusual, but I just can’t remember it at all, even though I’ve had plenty of chances to.
I don’t think you need to worry about it too much…
If it’s something common like Tanaka or Yamada, I’ll remember it after hearing it once (and I don’t think there’s any problem with remembering it). But when the name is distinctive, I think I subconsciously make an effort not to remember it—especially when it comes to the club.
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