I’ve been seeing someone on a pay-per-meeting basis for 50, and we’d talked about switching to a monthly arrangement this month. From the end of August to the beginning of September, I caught COVID and couldn’t see him for a while.

As a busy, hard-working middle manager, I often can’t commit to a date because my work schedule is impossible to predict. Sometimes I don’t even know my plans until the day of—or maybe the day before. With a female drinking buddy, I can just say, “Are you free tonight?” But I feel awkward saying that to someone I’m dating. Because she might say, “A last-minute invitation means you don’t really value me,” or something like that. So what the hell am I supposed to do?! Just a little rant from the opposite perspective. P.S. Paper Airplane, you owe me one. Pay me back somehow, haha.

I understand why you’re feeling anxious, but I think the best thing is not to fixate on that one papa, while still showing your cute, honest side. Specifically, find other papas or men who will dote on you—through a dating app or whatever works—and build up the confidence to think, “He’s not the only one for me.” You may feel like you don’t need that kind of confidence, but when you’re constantly being treated well, that gloomy, defeated mindset women often develop when they depend on one man disappears, and your papa will be less likely to take you for granted. And if you find another papa, it’s win-win: even if your current papa cuts you off, it won’t hurt as much. At the same time, send your papa a cute, honest message like, “Take care of yourself and good luck with work. I’ll do ○○ before we can see each other again, too!”—maybe continue some topic you talked about before. If he gets in touch and you get to meet again, show him even more gratitude than before, don’t mention money at all, and just be cheerful and adorable. Express how happy you are to see him again after so long with your whole body, like an excited dog. On the other hand, if he never contacts you again, accept that it just wasn’t meant to be. It was unfortunate that you got COVID, but that probably won’t happen next time, so I’d just move on to another papa. There are endless opportunities to meet people. In any case, I think the important thing is not to fixate on him.

If he won’t even give you a get-well allowance when you have COVID, it’s best to simply let him go. During the state of emergency two years ago, I went to see some women for just two minutes and give them their allowance. For women whose jobs made it difficult to meet and who were better off avoiding contact, I gave them 15 or even 20+ meetings’ worth of allowance in advance. In both cases, I feel like that was the end of things anyway (although I did meet someone I really liked…). I believe being a real man means not expecting anything in return, and I think the same can be said of women as well. It’s not good for one side to be under too much strain. Also, your timing for catching COVID was just terribly unfortunate. No matter how commonplace COVID has become, if it happened right when he was considering a monthly arrangement, he would probably wonder who you caught it from—and whether it might have been another papa. He didn’t visit you, bring you anything while you were sick, or do your shopping. I think it’s best to accept that this was simply the extent of your relationship and move on. > The Flag Maker’s psychic powers are amazing?? Did that woman from the song check the question box?? She contacted me saying she wanted to see me for the first time in a year, just when I’d also been thinking it would be nice to see her again and reminiscing a little… Wait, is she actually reading this?? But people do sometimes reconnect after a long time, so you might meet again someday. If she doesn’t contact you, you could also just leave things as they are for a few months without reaching out. It’s fine to give up, but I don’t think you need to go out of your way to officially end things. After all, you only got as far as discussing a monthly arrangement… > Because she might say something like, “A sudden invitation ≒ he doesn’t really care about me.” Women’s feelings are delicate, aren’t they? Thinking that way, I actually worry quite a bit whenever I invite someone on short notice, even though they sometimes reply that they’re happy I asked. Should I invite her more often? Is occasionally okay? Does she dislike sudden invitations, or does she like them?

I’m Ryo, one of the female respondents. My papa (a male supporter) is also very busy with work, and there’s one I haven’t been able to see for about three weeks. But I can still sense his feelings through our LINE messages. I don’t feel anxious because I can tell that he really wants to see me and is trying to make it happen somehow. Even if your papa is genuinely busy and can’t message much, it can still feel lonely when his feelings don’t come across in his messages, right? You might want to share those feelings with him on LINE as well. To keep it from sounding too heavy, you could say something like: “I understand that work has been keeping you busy, but I feel lonely because we haven’t been able to see each other. I’m looking forward to the next time we can meet. You must be accumulating a lot of fatigue with how busy you are, so please take care of yourself and don’t push yourself too hard. I hope everything goes smoothly with work.” Why not send him something along those lines and wait for his reply?

Potassium here, a female member. Hmm… there’s no point asking here because you won’t get the real answer. That’s what I’d really like to say, but… If I were in the questioner’s position, I’d just ask the man directly. If he’s going to cut things off, he will—and if it’s going to continue, it will. There’s no point worrying before you know the outcome, so I wait until I have an answer and then think about the reason. Then I use it to do better next time! > As Maezawa-san said: > I think the important thing is to accept that he really is 100% busy, while still expressing that you’d like to see him anyway. That part is really important. If I were in that position, I’d include the above sentiment in my message as well. That’s just my personal take.

Maybe he found another woman he likes while you couldn’t meet for a while. Perhaps this is the price of neglecting the relationship.

He probably really is busy with work. That said, if he truly wanted to see you, I feel he would still try to make time somehow, even with a busy schedule. So I don’t think he necessarily wants to cut things off, but it may be that he no longer feels strongly enough to say he really wants to see you. That doesn’t mean you should just leave things as they are, though, or he may start thinking that ending things would be fine. You could say something like: “Work sounds really busy and tough. But I’d still love to see you, so…” and continue asking about his availability. If he genuinely starts feeling that you’re a hassle, he’ll stop replying, and at that point, I think all you can do is back off. The important thing is to trust that he really is 100% busy, while still conveying that you want to see him. Try to find a day when he’s available without becoming too persistent. For now, I’d put the monthly arrangement discussion aside and continue meeting on a pay-per-meeting basis as before. You can bring up the monthly arrangement again when the timing feels right. Another possibility is that while he couldn’t see you because of COVID, he started meeting another woman, and things unexpectedly worked out well with her. That may have caused you to drop lower on his list of priorities. He may be able to see you on days when he can’t meet that other woman, so when you do meet, try your best to make him think, “Actually, I prefer her after all.”

“Being busy with work” is the number-one excuse people use when they don’t want to see a woman, so it may only be a matter of time before he cuts you off... A monthly arrangement really doesn’t mean much. If he doesn’t pay the following month, it’s over. It rarely works in the woman’s favor, does it? You might be over the moon when a monthly arrangement is finalized, but then he may start asking to meet more often. I had two regulars who paid six months’ worth upfront, but one of them ran off, lol. Still, getting tricked by women is part of a papa’s job too. If I found a favorite girl, I’d probably do another six-month arrangement. With a six-month arrangement, there are fewer money exchanges than with pay-per-meeting or monthly arrangements, so it feels less transactional and has a bit more of a dating vibe. I quite like it. For men in the top 1%—TOP GUN in Kobe—I highly recommend a six-month arrangement~♡