I recently joined.

I’m Dai, a male member. It does sound like a job interview. I don’t think you need to answer every question. As for your real name, once we exchange LINE contacts, I can usually find out at least your first name, so I don’t specifically ask. It might feel sad if you’ve gone on several dates and she still won’t even tell you her name, though… I wouldn’t want to share my nearest station or workplace. It’s wiser to end things with a man who gets upset when you say you’d rather not answer. I don’t ask where she went to college because I’m not interested, but is that considered personal information too…? I’m also curious about what kind of intimacy she has with other men, so I do ask—but only after we’ve gone into the hotel… If you ask something like, “Which station is closest to your home, ___?” and she answers, you’ll be expected to answer the same question yourself.

Seattle here. I think they’re only asking to keep the conversation going, so just share whatever you’re comfortable sharing. It’s fine to ask for the man’s personal information, and don’t get irritated if he doesn’t answer. Just think of it as an interview for a big payday. Smile on the outside, but keep your cards close to your chest. That said, as Aya also mentioned, in my case, the people who’ve stayed around for years have often been the ones who readily told me all kinds of things. If you prefer to build deeper relationships with just a few people, it might be okay to open up a little.

I’m Taro, a male member. What is this, an interrogation? (笑) If there are things you don’t want to answer or feel uncomfortable discussing, it’s fine to give a vague answer. You don’t have to force yourself to respond. As for personal information, I think it’s unfair for someone to try to get information out of you while refusing to share their own. Once, a woman asked for my full real name and date of birth. When I asked, “What should I call you?” she replied, “Please use my club name.” I thought that was pretty unreasonable. When I told her so, she repeatedly apologized and gave me her real name, but by then I wasn’t happy about it at all. Some women do speak quite casually about the men they’ve met before. From a man’s perspective, it can feel very transactional—almost like an adult-entertainment setting—but if she’s willing to talk about it, it’s interesting, so I’ll ask various questions. That said, it’s not what I’m looking for. If you answer everything out of consideration for the other person, they may mistake you for someone who enjoys that kind of conversation. A dating club isn’t an adult-entertainment service where women provide services to men, so in a sense, you should approach things as equals and respond appropriately on a case-by-case basis. Early on, both sides are feeling each other out, using little jabs and feints to gauge the distance between them. Sometimes I deliberately ask a rude question, and if the other person reacts coldly, I think, “They seem like a decent, proper person.” Then I’ll steer the conversation in a way that recovers the negative impression caused by that question. I think it’s usually around the third to fifth meeting that you begin to develop a relationship where you can genuinely let your guard down.

This is another question that keeps coming up. I’m sure they want to get to know you, but you don’t have to be completely, brutally honest and tell them every little detail right from the start. Anyone who talks about their relationships in public is simply lacking discretion. You’re not obligated to give an exact number of the other people you’ve met through the club, either. If you want to know, ask. If you don’t, you don’t have to. You can decide how to respond based on the way they answer. You wouldn’t share accurate information with someone who gives vague answers, would you? When it comes to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), some people manage without thinking much beyond looks and talent, while others use their heads to land a generous (well-paying) papa. At the very least, I hope you’ll become able to answer questions like that without getting flustered. That said, some older men say they like seeing someone struggle because it shows she isn’t used to this. In the end, you just have to read the other person and give the answer you think they’re hoping to hear. Marika

I’m Aya, a female member. I’m sure there are men who want to know. If you’re not looking for a deeper relationship, I think it’s a good idea to prepare slightly altered answers that aren’t entirely true—for example, giving the name of a place you used to live. But if you do want to build a deeper relationship, I think you should answer honestly to some extent.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I’ve never asked those questions myself, so I honestly have no idea why someone would ask for a woman’s real name or other personal information. You say it happens nearly 100% of the time, but I’m also curious why there would be such a strong bias. By the way, do the men who ask those questions share their own personal information as well? Asking how many men she has met may simply be because they’ve run out of things to talk about, or because they want to gauge how accustomed she is to dating-club activities before figuring out how to bring up the relationship itself. Asking what kind of sex she had is probably just for the sake of salacious entertainment. I can’t think of many places besides a dating club where a man can hear firsthand stories from a woman about sex she’s had with other men. I’ve asked about it myself in a hotel room. Sorry for being crude. If you’re in a lounge or somewhere with other people around, you could say something like, “I’d rather not talk about that here,” and perhaps take a moment to consider where you’re having those conversations in the first place.