My birthday is coming up, and I’d love to get a present from my papa (a male supporter).
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However, the only papa I’m currently seeing is someone I’ve only met about twice, so we’re not very close yet.
The last time I asked the papa I had been seeing the longest for a birthday present, he cut me off.
So now I’m scared to ask for a birthday present.
I’m not asking for a designer bag that costs hundreds of thousands of yen—I’d like something like an 18-karat gold necklace costing around ¥50,000 (it won’t tarnish, and I don’t own a necklace). But would that still be difficult to ask for?
¥50,000 is pretty expensive, isn’t it…
Should I only ask papas who bring it up themselves, like by asking, “When’s your birthday? I’ll get you a present”?
I’m honestly so jealous of all the women who receive birthday presents from their papas.
How do you tell your papa when your birthday is and get a birthday present from him?
I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
If someone asked me for a ¥50,000 gift after only meeting twice, without offering anything in return, I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be okay with that.
I give an allowance in exchange for something as well, so I’m fine with it if there’s something in return.
In other words, it’s okay if it feels worth it. I have given someone a substantial amount all at once before.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
> My birthday is coming up, and I’d like a present from my papa.
If you simply say, “It’s my birthday, so I’d love a present,” I don’t think most men would cut you off.
But if you say, “Since it’s my birthday, I’d like an 18-karat gold necklace costing around 50,000 yen,” I think many men would feel put off.
That said, as you mentioned, if you’ve been seeing each other for a long time—say, over a year—it might not be a problem. Normally, though, I feel it would make him uncomfortable.
So rather than telling him what you want, I think it’s best to be happy with whatever he gives you, knowing it comes from the heart.
Since your birthday is coming up, I suggest simply telling your papa when your birthday is.
It’s fine just to mention the date. He may think to himself, “I wonder if she wants a present?”—but the key is not to say that you want anything.
Then, if he asks, “What would you like?” you could say something like:
“I don’t have a necklace.”
Rather than specifically mentioning 18-karat gold, that would probably be better.
You may not want something cheap because it could tarnish, but I think it’s best to hold back and not say that.
I think you should approach it with the mindset that you might have him buy you what you really want from your second year onward. At first, saying something like, “Just knowing you thought of me is enough,” would be best.
Also, ideally, you should ask when your papa’s birthday is and give him a present first.
I imagine most papas have forgotten to mention it, but once you ask, they’ll remember.（笑）
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I’m Dai, a male member.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing just because it’s expensive.
I’ve heard of people receiving the same brand-name goods or accessories from multiple people and then reselling them.
I’ve given practical gifts before.
If it’s around ¥50,000, some men receive that much in allowance for a single date. So why not use that money to buy it yourself?
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I’m Taro, a male member.
A gift is something the other person gives of their own accord, so it’s not good to ask for one. Calling it “hinting” or making it sound cute doesn’t change the fact that you’re asking. It’s fine to “hint” when they ask, “What would you like?” In other words, I think the strategy lies in steering the situation in that direction.
First, tell him your birthday. It’s best to bring it up naturally in conversation. It’ll have more impact early on, when you’ve only just started seeing each other. And by all means, ask about his birthday too.
Next, let’s talk about birthday etiquette. Put yourself in his shoes. The motivation behind wanting to give someone a present is probably either self-interest or gratitude. Self-interest means hoping that giving a present will lead to something exciting in return. If you haven’t had H yet, that can be a good incentive—but if you’ve already had H, I think there’s less room for it to motivate him. As for gratitude, in other words, I think it depends on how you treat him day to day.
Going around asking everyone for gifts is no different from begging. If you’re a proper woman, act strategically. I think presents are like bonds reaching maturity or a crop being harvested. Why not make “invest properly, reap generously” your motto? You’ll also be honing sales skills that work anywhere, so it’s a win-win.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who was told, “I wonder what you’ll get me for my birthday next year.” (Was she hinting?)
A gift is something the man gives.
Hinting is when the woman tells him what she wants.
When it comes to clubs where an allowance is involved, though, they’re two completely different things.
A gift is a gift precisely because you don’t tell the recipient what’s inside before giving it. It carries all kinds of thoughts and emotions, and it can also be a test of sorts.
The joy—or, conversely, the disappointment—that comes from that is what makes it a gift.
In a club setting, I don’t think that level of relationship is normally necessary.
That said, as the relationship between a man and woman deepens, it’s certainly better for both sides to have more opportunities to feel happy, even in a club arrangement.
As the questioner, you’re starting from a shallow relationship while already being quite demanding. You need to realize that maintaining a long-term relationship will be difficult.
For now, all you can do is wait for the man to give you something.
As for the “birthday present next year” comment at the beginning—this year was special for her, so more than simply asking about a present, I think it was also her way of saying that she wants things to continue just as they are for a long, long time. She has never asked me for a specific item.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
If you say, “It’s my birthday, so I’d love a present. Maybe a necklace worth around ¥50,000 (smile). Since you’re buying me a present, you don’t have to give me an allowance that day,” I think he’ll buy it. I would, too. But when someone asks for both an allowance and a present, it immediately turns me off.
It makes me imagine that she’ll be a hassle going forward, always asking me for this and that.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Try licking your papa’s ass just a little, then say, “If you get me a birthday present, I’ll lick it for you every time until it’s all wrinkly♡” He might buy you one.
If you’re already doing that for him, come up with another angle yourself.
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If you want to collect data on how likely you are to get dropped after asking for a birthday present, try asking everyone.
Normally, past failures are supposed to serve as lessons so you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
Someone who intends to give you a present will ask, “When’s your birthday?” And they’ll still give you something even if it’s been about a month.
If it were me and my birthday happened to fall on a date, I might mention, “It’s my birthday today,” and ask for something small, like a celebratory drink—though I’m not much of a drinker—or a slice of cake for dessert.
But that would be about the extent of it.
Marika
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