I’m sorry. I just can’t shake this heavy, painful feeling in my chest, so this may be long, but would you please hear me out?

This morning, my papa (a male supporter) in his 50s, whom I’ve been seeing for three years now, accused me, saying, “You looked at my phone while I was asleep, didn’t you? Its position had changed.” Women have been messaging my papa’s phone for a while, and I’d get jealous whenever I saw the notifications, so I think that’s why he suspected me. Even when I said, “I didn’t look at it,” and “Please, just trust me,” he wouldn’t believe me at all. He just grinned and said, “Come on, tell me the truth.” I was terrified that the trust we’d built over the past three years would fall apart because of a misunderstanding on his part. So I searched things like “suspected of looking at someone’s phone” and tried to convince him of my innocence by showing him Screen Time. If he just looked at the Screen Time screen, it should show zero minutes of phone use during the night. But even then, he said, “Forget it, I don’t need to see that. What even is Screen Time? I’ve never heard of it. And how could you figure out an app like that so quickly? You must have come up with an excuse from the start, didn’t you?” No, I only looked it up desperately because you were accusing me, and everything would have been proven if you’d just checked Screen Time. But trying to convince him when he kept insisting, “I don’t know that app, so I can’t tell,” made me feel incredibly hopeless in that moment. I reached the point of thinking, “This is hopeless,” and then I completely lost my temper: “Ugh, you’re pissing me off!! You don’t even know what Screen Time is, you damn old man?! Give me your phone—I’ll show you!! Come on, hurry up!!” I snatched his phone and continued yelling for about ten minutes: “See?! This proves nobody opened your phone during the night, doesn’t it?! Stop making up things in your head! You’re so damn annoying!! Why do I have to be suspected by a damn old man like you?! Apologize, you jerk!!” But when papa saw me like that, he burst out laughing and said with a huge grin, “There’s the real you, finally coming out! Hahaha. Sorry, sorry—I’m sorry for being such a damn old man. Getting yelled at doesn’t bother me at all, haha.” Even now, at night, I still feel terribly sad and irritated. I ended up hurling more insults at papa earlier, too. Papa is laughing and saying, “You’re going to hold onto this and keep bringing it up forever, aren’t you? Hahaha.” But honestly, I don’t find it funny at all. Why was I the only one who had to be suspected and put through this? What makes me so angry is that he immediately decided I had looked at his phone, never sincerely apologized, and kept repeating, “Are you sure?? You didn’t look at it this time, but you looked at it before, didn’t you?? You do seem to know a lot about phones.” I don’t understand why simply being good with phones means I have to be suspected of looking through his phone and even covering my tracks. And it hurts because the wonderful papa I knew is starting to look like an old man who doesn’t even know how to use his phone. How can I heal after my heart has become so weighed down like this? I’m sorry—this may seem trivial to other people, but I’m genuinely so irritated and sad. I would really appreciate your advice.