I contracted herpes from a woman I had an intimate relationship with for the first time through a dating club (we used a condom). I believe it’s ultimately my own responsibility for taking part in this kind of activity, so I don’t intend to blame her, but apparently she knew she had herpes, and I do wish she had told me beforehand. Because of this, I’m thinking that in my case, it would be best to tell women in advance that I only want to date women who have properly told me they’ve had herpes before, or who have had herpes in the past, and that I’ll only meet them when I’m not experiencing any symptoms, before starting an arrangement. With that in mind, I’d like to hear everyone’s opinions, just for reference.

If it were a woman who had contracted it, I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with her badly enough to disclose that I had as well. If I hadn’t contracted it, I’d still worry about other infections, so I wouldn’t go out of my way to date someone like that. Either way, I don’t think it would work out. Marika

I don’t think sexually transmitted infections are especially common among men and women involved in dating clubs, but I’m sure there are some cases. This anonymous papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) Q&A box has also received questions from people who contracted an STI, such as, “What should I do about future activities after this?” (The person with herpes last time was a woman.) Since this happened on your very first meeting, you were simply unlucky. That said, ① If it were me, I would end this activity altogether. After that, if I really felt the need to be intimate, I’d undergo the treatment Mac mentioned, confirm that I had no symptoms, and only then go somewhere appropriate. (When symptoms are present, you can infect others, so you absolutely must not have contact with anyone.)

You can’t know whether you caught it from that woman or already had the virus and simply had an outbreak. For people who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), visit sex workers, or frequently have intimate contact with women, I think it’s difficult not to have herpes at some point.