Are women men want to see frequently in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) the kind they can feel like they’re dating while together?
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I started papa-katsu a year and a half ago and have met just under 30 men through a club. I cut off anyone who caused me stress, and now I have five papas. All of them have lasted at least six months, and most have been ongoing for a year to a year and a half. However, we only meet once a month, or twice at most.
There’s absolutely no romantic feeling in my relationships. I talk about my boyfriend, friends-with-benefits, heartbreak, and other papas. I don’t message them on LINE except to thank them after a date and confirm the next meeting time.
When I was 19, I had a monthly arrangement with a 48-year-old man as his girlfriend. We met once a week and messaged almost every day, but it was extremely exhausting and only lasted two months. Now I’m able to go about things with very little stress, but none of my papas seem to want to see me very often, and I’m starting to wonder whether that’s okay.
Recently, one papa I’ve been seeing for a year under a ¥200,000 monthly arrangement, meeting twice a month, has only been meeting me once a month. I’m totally fine with that, but I’m starting to wonder whether he’s just seeing me out of habit. My other papas say things like, “Thank you for making time for me even though you’re busy” whenever we meet or when I message them occasionally. They seem to think I’m always busy with other men—boyfriends, friends-with-benefits, or other papas.
Is it harder for men to ask out a woman who has multiple men in her life?
Also, if there’s absolutely no romantic feeling when we’re together, does that make me less attractive as a woman?
Some girls give off that impression, while others don’t.
There have also been girls who used to be that way, but even after that changed, we’ve continued seeing each other. The frequency of our dates doesn’t increase dramatically, but emotionally, I do prioritize those girls more.
It’s not that I’m reluctant to invite women who have multiple men in their lives. However, if they have another generous papa (a male supporter) besides me, I tend to assume they won’t have financial trouble as long as we meet at least occasionally. So if there’s a girl I believe is probably only seeing me, I’ll prioritize her instead. (That’s based on what she tells me and my own judgment, so I can’t say for sure that it’s true.)
In any case, unless there’s a specific reason to end things, I don’t actively break things off. Your papa may feel the same way.
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The women I see don’t really feel like girlfriends.
There is one woman I’ve been meeting once a month for the past six months to a year or more.
Because there’s no sense of being in a relationship, it actually feels fresh when we meet again after some time apart.
I think she’d probably drop me if I said I wanted to see her more often, so it’s best not to.
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> Are the women you want to see frequently in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) the ones who make you feel like you’re dating a romantic partner while you’re together?
> In my case, rather than seeing her frequently, I’m seeing someone I can have a stable, comfortable relationship with.
> We’ve been seeing each other for four years now, meeting twice a month and exchanging messages every day—usually one message each way.
> Since there’s an age gap of more than 40 years, we’re close, but I feel that “mistress” is a more fitting description than “girlfriend.”
>
> We both have jobs, so meeting frequently would be difficult.
> Since our relationship is kept private from others, we can continue without stress, and our daily messages help us maintain and strengthen our bond.
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> > Is it harder to ask out a woman who is seeing multiple men?
> And if there’s no romantic feeling at all when you’re together, does that make her less attractive as a woman?
> In my case, seeing multiple people involves various risks, so I don’t make other offers while I’m seeing someone—but I do expect her to be very thorough about managing those risks.
> When we’re together, feeling safe and at ease is far more important than having a romantic, couple-like atmosphere.
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Just my personal opinion, but when we’re together—especially in private—I prefer it to feel like we’re a couple, with passionate, close sex. For communication by LINE and such, I’d rather keep it strictly businesslike.
Compared with a woman who’s emotionally detached and has bland sex, I’d rather see someone who makes love enthusiastically and creates more of a girlfriend-like atmosphere.
But only while we’re together. I don’t need things like holding hands—I don’t want to attract attention in public.
Right now, I’m torn between a beautiful woman who’s rather detached but is incredibly compatible physically, and someone with an ordinary face who’s amazing in bed and makes it feel completely like we’re a couple while we’re together.
I’m leaning toward the latter, though（笑）
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A woman you want to keep seeing isn’t necessarily someone you want as a girlfriend. If she’s simply comforting and fun to be around, or makes you feel appreciated as a man, you may want to see her more often even if it never develops into a romantic relationship.
As for you, judging from your vibe and the things you talk about, he may be thinking, “She has other papas and friends-with-benefits, so I’ll keep things at a comfortable distance.”
Apparently, you’ve been doing something like papa-katsu since you were 19, so perhaps you have a distinctive vibe of your own.
You don’t seem to want to be involved with just one papa either, so maybe things are fine as they are.
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That’s a tough one.
If you want it to feel more like a relationship, you’ll probably have to choose one generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter) who doesn’t cause you stress.
You currently have several good papas, right? Maybe it’s fine to leave things as they are. You might be better suited to polite men who also see other women.
The person I’ve been seeing frequently for over three years is practically like a live-out wife. I stay at his place, we travel together, and I even know where he works and go there to eat.
I don’t think you need to take things that far.
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That’s probably true. There likely isn’t much appeal there.
That said, there are men and women who are perfectly suited to that emotionally detached style, so as long as neither person feels forced, it can continue. A man may find it easy and comfortable knowing she has multiple male supporters, and as long as there’s nothing to hide, they can keep having natural conversations—and still enjoy their time together as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Also, a certain amount of inertia matters between men and women.
If there’s still some lingering affection, a relationship can continue for decades.
However, maintaining that momentum requires actually seeing each other, so even if she won’t meet you, you should keep contacting her so she doesn’t forget you.
> Are women you want to see frequently through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) those who make you feel like you’re dating while you’re together?
For me, it’s not merely a case of feeling like I’m with a girlfriend. It would have to be someone who exceeds all expectations and is ideal in every way. Only then would I have no desire to approach other women. Naturally, I’d gradually lose interest in seeing other women or having sex with them.
Even so, in your case, I think the greatest advantage is that, even if it were that kind of relationship, the man doesn’t necessarily need to be the one to end it. You should make the most of that.
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There are basically no women I want to see frequently. Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t the same as romance, after all.
I actually hardly ever see my closest favorite. She’s important to me even without meeting, so I give her a substantial monthly allowance and support her life itself. I guess I’m like a modern-day Daddy Longlegs.
The person I see most often is probably a lounge hostess. Even then, it’s a maximum of three times a month. She thinks of me as her boyfriend, but I don’t consider her my girlfriend (she’ll kill me).
I want to keep things uncomplicated and enjoyable. I tend to have long-lasting arrangements with women who are good at accepting money, while things don’t last with those who aren’t.
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Even without a romantic connection, I see some women every week—sometimes twice a week. So I guess it depends on the man’s circumstances and compatibility.
In my case, how often I meet someone depends on how much I want to see her compared with the other women I’m seeing. I have a fairly fixed amount of time each month to spend meeting women, so I divide that time among the women I’m seeing.
For me, what makes me want to meet someone is the stimulation I get while we’re together. I’m not looking for a romantic, boyfriend-girlfriend kind of relationship.
Update:
I’ve been thinking about this question, and I feel that convenience, how easily our schedules line up, and how easy it is to make plans are probably the most important factors in determining how often we meet.
Also, if we message frequently on LINE when we’re not seeing each other, I feel that I should meet her and give her an allowance accordingly.
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