I don’t think the amount of the allowance has much to do with whether it feels like working in the adult entertainment industry.
Also, as some other respondents occasionally mention, rather than negotiating, I think the allowance may naturally increase if you take the time to build the relationship.
Even if the allowance per meeting doesn’t increase, having someone who doesn’t stress you out and being able to see them more often can also be a good thing, depending on how you look at it.
In my case, I’ve never had anyone name an amount upfront, nor have I ever raised the allowance because someone negotiated with me during the course of the relationship.
I guess they’ve “trained” me and I end up increasing it on my own（笑）
If someone negotiated with me, I feel like I’d either end the relationship or gradually lose interest in them.
That said, the girl I’m currently seeing doesn’t seem likely to do anything like that—for now.
As I mentioned in another answer the other day, the allowances I receive from my partners really vary from person to person. We’ve all settled on amounts that leave both them and me satisfied.
If you’re not approaching it as enjoying the relationship while taking things like how often you meet, their personality, and how enjoyable the dates are into account, then it’s basically the adult entertainment industry.
Marika
If you can only judge someone by the amount of their allowance, that’s no different from sex work.
Don’t you want to enjoy the relationship, too?
You don’t have to honestly tell a pay-per-meeting man who gives you 50, “Thanks to how generous you are, there are also papas who give me 5 or nothing at all.”
On the other hand, from the man’s perspective, even if he’s in the black class, hearing a woman ask for more than 5 will kill his motivation. He won’t feel like having sex with her properly.
I’d also start seeing everyone I felt I could get along with.
It depends on how much money you need right now, but since it’s only been a few months, you’ll need to see how many of them remain in the long run.
> I’m unsure whether I should negotiate to raise it from 5 to 6. But at 5, I’d have to see quite a few more people, which would lower my motivation and make it feel more like a commercial service, so I’m torn.
I don’t think you should negotiate. The amount is probably within what the men can comfortably afford, including any gifts. Besides, I doubt all the men who made offers will remain in the picture…
I wonder how many will still be around a few years from now.
It’ll be interesting to see.
To sum it up:
You have two papas paying ¥100,000, and two paying at least ¥70,000, and you’d like to continue seeing all four of them.
Of the papas who wanted to pay ¥50,000, eight ended up paying ¥60,000 or ¥70,000 for intimacy, but things ended after you were together around twice. You still have eight papas at ¥50,000, and you’re unsure what to do about them going forward.
That’s how I understand the situation.
The men who initially wanted to pay ¥50,000 probably considered that their financial limit, so it seems likely that the eight who stretched themselves eventually gave up along the way. After all, you’re continuing to see the four who pay ¥70,000 or more.
The remaining eight probably also have ¥50,000 as their limit, so even if you raised it to ¥60,000 or ¥70, I don’t think those relationships would necessarily last long either.
That said, some of those eight men may actually have no financial problems.
If so, their allowance might increase in the future—or even if it doesn’t, they may give you expensive gifts.
So for now, I think you should go on a few more dates and assess their financial situation.
Try to become someone financially well-off men genuinely like. If you see each other for several months to half a year and you’re compatible, there’s a chance they may become very fond of you.
Once they really like you, you could talk to them about something you’re struggling with, or mention an expensive hobby or something you’d like but can’t afford or haven’t been able to replace. They might offer to buy it for you.
For example, some men set the allowance at ¥50,000, but actually have plenty of money and wouldn’t think twice about spending several million yen. They have ample financial resources, but don’t want to change the allowance once it’s been agreed upon.
However, it’s quite common for men like that to want to do something special for a woman they really like.
If you can develop your relationship in that direction, you may be able to build the kind of genuine connection between two people that’s unique to a dating club, rather than treating it like a transactional service.
If a man doesn’t seem to have much financial ability, I think it’s better to turn him down gently.
However, to keep the door open for the future, you should say something like, “I’m feeling a little tired and would like to take a break from dating for now,” so that you can part on good terms and potentially see each other again someday.
That’s because if you ever stop seeing the men paying ¥70,000 or more—or the ones paying ¥100,000—you could resume seeing one of the ¥50,000 men and avoid financial difficulties.
You never know when your connections may prove useful. I think it’s best to value the people you meet.
