I can’t forgive the papa (a male supporter) who donated to Ukraine.

There was a time when things became blurred and I didn’t receive my allowance. He said he would give it to me, but never did, and told me things like, “I think of you as my girlfriend.” I had only just started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) then, and he was the only one I had, so I didn’t want to ruin the relationship and couldn’t say anything. Now I have other papas and he has started paying me too, but I can’t help thinking that if he was going to donate, he should have given me the money I was supposed to receive back then. I want 100,000 yen per pay-per-meeting encounter we’ve had, partly as compensation for the emotional damage. I act all cheerful and sweet around him, but I actually hate him. I still resent how he took advantage of my romantic feelings and blurred the boundaries, and I’m constantly thinking about how to make him regret it. How can I stop thinking this way? I always wonder what would hurt him the most. I’m determined never to break up with him. I’ll keep treating him kindly and kindly until I finally bring him down. But these thoughts are exhausting now. Please help me. It was his money, but is it okay for me to think of it as though I was the one who donated to the people of Ukraine? Even if I could see it that way, I don’t think I’d feel any better.