I see the papa (a male supporter) I've known the longest at least once a week, and we've grown closer over the years. But he was the person who didn't use a condom the first time we were intimate, so no matter how close we become, that still bothers me. I find myself viewing many things with suspicion, I can't respect him, and I even feel a little contempt for him deep down. Although our feelings for each other have grown, I can't seem to fully trust him with my heart, and I think I probably dislike him.

“I think you should reconsider the idea that he’s a horrible person who doesn’t treat your body with care.” For example, in a marriage, I don’t think someone automatically becomes “a horrible person who doesn’t care about your body” just because they had sex without using a condom. That said, since you’re not married, I think most people would say that using a condom should be the default. Still, there may be exceptions. It’s possible that, although he won’t use a condom, he genuinely does care about your body. People like that are generally rare, though. You probably know best what he’s been like throughout your relationship and what he’s really like as a person. If, after considering that, you still feel he’s someone you can’t trust, there’s a good chance your instincts are right. You should tell him that you want him to use a condom from now on, and if he won’t, I think you should end the relationship. On the other hand, if you feel he’s someone you can trust, then I think it’s okay to trust him. It may be painful if things turn out differently, but you should work on getting better at judging people.

From a man’s perspective, it may seem like a small thing, but women are often the ones who can’t let it go for a long time, right? To be honest, I don’t think that many men use condoms purely because they want to take good care of a woman’s body. I always use one too. I’d like to say it’s because I care about women’s health, but the truth is that I’ve had an STD in the past, so my stronger motivation is simply that I never want to get one again. The reason so many men at dating clubs want to have sex without a condom is probably that relatively few of them have actually had an STD before. Even if the man you’ve been seeing for a long time initially had sex without a condom, if he started using one after you asked him to, I think you should forgive him by now.

That sounds really tough. A man who wants to skip protection from the very beginning isn’t trustworthy, and he probably doesn’t truly respect women’s bodies. Personally, I’d be tempted to treat him kindly while secretly looking down on him, and try to get him emotionally hooked. This is just my personal opinion, but in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), they say the person who gets the other hooked comes out on top. Once someone is invested, they tend to go all out for you. So I think it would be best to get your papa (a male supporter) to that point too. For now, don’t give too much of yourself. It might even help to reduce how often you meet. Also, value the sides of yourself that your papa doesn’t know yet. If you don’t show him everything or give him your all, I think things will naturally become more balanced.