On a first date, before we’ve even discussed the allowance, I’m sometimes asked, “So, what do you say we do after this?”—clearly hinting at an adult relationship (intimate).
I try to avoid being too explicit and say, “We haven’t had a chance to discuss anything yet, so I’d like to talk a little more about what kind of relationship you’re looking for.” However, they completely avoid mentioning the allowance and steer the conversation toward whether I’m willing to go along with them.
Honestly, I don’t have the courage to go to a hotel when I don’t even know whether I’ll receive an allowance.
I’m a Type C, so I place more importance on the allowance, and I often decline when I feel the amount doesn’t match what’s being asked.
So I have two questions:
1. How should I deal with someone who won’t clearly discuss the allowance?
2. What’s the best way to negotiate—or politely decline—when I feel the allowance isn’t acceptable?
I’d appreciate advice not only from women, but also from a male perspective.
Thank you in advance.
Basically, I’m the type who doesn’t explicitly discuss the allowance.
> How should I deal with someone who won’t clearly state the allowance?
Since I’d rather not bring up the allowance, you could leave it entirely up to the man and take a gamble.
If a woman gives off the impression that she’s focused on the allowance, I won’t continue seeing her. So why not take a big gamble and see if it pays off? If things go well (or if you “trick” him?), he might even buy you something as big as a house…
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I’m Nana Ayase ☆
1. How to deal with someone who won’t clearly discuss the allowance
I think it’s best to ask directly: “What are your thoughts on the allowance?”
2. How to negotiate—or politely decline—when you’re not satisfied with the allowance
Say, “I’m sorry, but I’ve never accepted less than 3 or less than 5 before.”
That may help the gentleman realize that the allowance he offered was on the low side.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, answering as well.
> 1. How should I deal with someone who won’t clearly state the allowance?
If they won’t say it upfront, I think you have no choice but to ask.
If they react badly, you can simply say:
“Oh, I’m sorry after all. I’ll head home now.”
I think it’s fine to ask directly, too:
“How much allowance would I receive?”
Since they’re the one inviting you, I think it’s only natural to ask. If they still won’t answer, you can say:
“I’m sorry, but I’ll head home now.”
Alternatively, you could say:
“I’m hoping for 50,000 yen. Would that be okay?”
That also makes it easier to leave if the amount isn’t acceptable to him. And if you happen to run into someone who lectures you, you can simply say:
“Thank you for the delicious meal.”
and leave.
That said, there are also some strange men who lecture you but then decide to agree to the woman’s terms—only to have her leave on her own. So you should be careful about that.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
1. Since there’s no other way around it, I think it’s best to ask how he feels about an allowance. However, he may first be trying to find out whether you’re interested in him or not, so you could simply answer that question. If the conversation doesn’t move on to the allowance, then ask him what he has in mind regarding it.
Alternatively, when replying that you’re interested, you could say, “If you’re considering an allowance above what I’m hoping for, that works for me.”
2. I think you should say, “I’ve decided that I won’t pursue an arrangement here unless it’s at least ◯, so I’m sorry.”
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I’m in Seattle.
Apparently, there are also people who prefer to see how satisfying the sex is before paying.
I don’t think you need to be stingy over a few tens of thousands of yen. If it doesn’t work out, you can simply stop seeing them after that.
If the amount matters most to you, I think you’re fine following the questioner’s approach. If the allowance isn’t enough, just politely but clearly tell them, “I can’t do it for less than ○ yen.”
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