I’m a female member. A man who constantly contacts me but never meets me keeps saying, “I can’t meet right now because of one unfortunate circumstance or another, but we’ll definitely meet someday.” For about a year, I patiently waited and replied out of concern for him, but lately I’ve started to wonder whether he has no intention of meeting me and simply enjoys chatting with girls for free. Responding to his messages has begun to feel like a burden.
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I tried sending him, “Please contact me again once you’ve decided on a date,” but instead of sending me a date, he replied with a story about one of his hobbies, so it didn’t have much effect. At this rate, I’m sure we’ll never meet, and I’m fine with ending the relationship. However, leaving his messages unread and ending things that way makes me sad, as if the small amount of time and effort I’ve invested over the past year would simply disappear. I’d like to get in one small act of retaliation before ending things.
I’ve never asked him for anything unreasonable, but I’m thinking of messaging him to ask for a Christmas present. I know it’s childish to let my sadness get the better of me and think about retaliating, but I’m having trouble sorting out my feelings. How can I calm this urge to get back at him?
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
What?! A whole year?!
If it were me, I’d start thinking about what to do if we couldn’t meet for even a month.
You’re way too patient, questioner.
I respect that, but you’re just wasting your time. Cut your losses, move on, and find someone else!
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Looks like there are some people out there doing the same thing as a certain someone.
If you have no intention of meeting, please stop sending me long LINE messages. Since you clearly don’t want to meet, I’ve left you on read several times—so please block me. There really are some incredibly rude people out there.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think you keep getting new messages because you’re so conscientious about replying.
Even if you message him asking for a Christmas present, he’ll probably just change the subject, leaving you even more frustrated.
If I were in your position, I’d forget about getting back at him and simply end things.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I agree with Aya—hiding someone is a good option. I use it often too.
Also, it’s best to let go of the idea of retaliating against the other person. You’re bound to come across people you simply don’t click with, and wasting time on them isn’t worth it. Approaching them won’t work, and neither will trying to get revenge. Just forget about them and move on to the next person.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
In that case, I recommend hiding the conversation without marking it as read.
He may wonder, “Did she block me?” and send another message. If he does, mark that message as read, then hide the conversation again.
Seeing that man’s chat room pop up would just annoy you, right? So hide it. Meanwhile, he’ll keep opening your chat, wondering, “Did she block me? No, it shows as read, so I guess not… But she’s not replying…” and feeling confused.
Doesn’t the one-sidedness of it make you feel at least a little better?
I use this method to deal with messages from exes and men I met at drinking parties in the past. Hiding conversations works great.
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Would you like to make a counteroffer instead? I think you’ll feel more at ease once you’ve met him once.
At this point, bringing up something like a Christmas present would just make everything disappear into thin air. What a waste…
The more you think about that man, the more you stand to lose. I think your only option is to leave him on read and see whether anything changes.
—Paper Airplane
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