Several women have told me, “This feels more like big-brother dating.”
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I’m 41, so I assumed they were saying that because of my age. It didn’t particularly bother me.
But recently, a woman I had been seeing for about two and a half years told me, “If this stays big-brother dating forever, I’ll end up going somewhere else.” I still didn’t really understand what she meant, so I didn’t react—and she actually left me.
My understanding was that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) means an older supporter with a higher allowance, often through a monthly arrangement, while big-brother dating means someone younger, meeting less often on a pay-per-meeting basis, and having a lighter relationship.
Are there any other definitions or differences between the two?
With that woman, we had a monthly arrangement of ¥200,000. However, over the past year, partly because of COVID, we had only been meeting about once a month.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’m with Aya on this one!
First of all, thanks, Mac（笑）
I thought it was a great question too.
As Aya said, I think something may have been missing here.
From your question, you analyzed 兄活 as meaning a light relationship. If that’s really the case, perhaps you were hoping for a little more emotional investment and genuine effort.
I’m currently doing jiji-katsu, and my partner is over 40 years younger than me. She doesn’t have—and isn’t looking for—a boyfriend, and although she’s a working adult, we’ve been seeing each other since she was a student. Her salary isn’t particularly high either, but she shows no sign of leaving me at all. (Though she could suddenly say, “See ya!” one day...)
The one thing I can say is this:
I truly value the women I’m seeing.
It’s nothing like being genuinely in love or acting like a stalker, though...
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Definitions vary from person to person, so if you’re unsure, ask the person who said it right then and there.
How many years have you been working as a professional? Surely you understand that communication requires a shared language, including agreed-upon definitions of terms.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I don’t think ¥200,000 a month is by any means a low amount, so if she still chose to leave, there must have been some decisive reason.
Her lifestyle may have changed—perhaps she got a boyfriend or got married. Or, I’m sorry to say this, maybe she felt that you were immature for your age, and that there was nothing for her to learn from you—or even found being with you unpleasant. There may be some serious reason why she no longer wants to continue the relationship.
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